Glimmer of hope....faded

Deep down I knew what the outcome was going to be, but I was holding on to the tiniest amount of hope that this pregnancy would make it. Over the past week I was a pee stick addict! I told myself to stop because it was only making it harder, but I just couldn't. I kept comparing the lines and seeing it getting darker - not as dark as the control but pretty close. I would keep going back to check on it to see if it really was still there, that second line....and it would be.
My tiny hope was quickly put out when they told me that they are worried this may be an ectopic pregnancy due to my numbers going up a little bit more. My heart sank, my stomach dropped, and of course, my eyes filled with tears. Why must I always answer when I see 'that number'?!?!?!?!

I collect myself and decide it was best to inform my family - in case something bad were to happen, everyone would know what is going on. I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone of them via phone, so I sent an email. Lame, I know. It was the best and only way I could bare to tell them the news. Throughout the weekend I tried to keep myself busy...keep my mind off of what was going on.

Mother's Day comes around.....after I slept on the couch (due to bug not wanting to go back to sleep at 1:00 in the morning), woke up to her nails scraping against the netting of the pack and play, washing dishes, steam clean floors, I brought bug upstairs to hubs and I went to take a shower. Then it happened - my complete melt down. I stood there sobbing uncontrollably for a good ten minutes. My heart was so sad that this was happening all over again. Once I was done with my shower, I told myself I was done with the tears. I went to snuggle with bug and told her she was still the only baby in the house....for now.

Spent the day up at my sister's with my family and took bug down to the beach to take some pictures:

She didn't quite know what to think of the sand, but she'll get used to it....

Back in the RE's office yesterday for more bw and then head off to get u/s. There were no signs of anything but they told me it could mean: miscarriage already happened, too early in pregnancy, ectopic - but didn't feel they saw anything to cause them to worry. I had to go back to meet with my RE to review all the tests/scans/etc. and to discuss moving forward. Had more blood sucked out of me this morning to make sure my numbers are still going down from the day before.

Now I sit and wait for.....that number!