Why put yourself through it?

One of the hundreds of times I've heard this question, was just asked again this morning. While sitting with my boss (and close friend) he expressed his concern for me after this past week. He told me he researched what an ectopic pregnancy was and said he became scared for my health. Then asked me why am I going to put myself through this again? Why was I going to put my health at risk? Told me how he felt I had the perfect life: wonderful husband, beautiful daughter, everyone healthy, a home, jobs - why push it? Wasn't Mother Nature giving me enough signs?

I looked at him and just said because why should I have to give up on our dream because of fear?

The conversation continued and he went on about how this whole process has to be an emotional roller coaster, that eventually one day I might snap....clearly he hasn't paid much attention when I'm on Lupron! But what got me the most is when he made the comment about how I must feel like something is wrong with me, that my body is supposed to reproduce and I can't - well I cannot hold on to it. That stung. I haven't thought of those words since the day we took the turn down IVF Alley.

Yes, there is something wrong with me. Yes it does hurt. Yes I want to scream at the lady dragging her 5 kids around yelling at them, treating them like trash, that it's not fair! But then I take a deep breath and realize this is out of my hands. The only thing I can do about this is what hubs and I have been doing and will keep doing.

I told him the thoughts he was having were much stronger on my end in the beginning, when we first started. You reach a point where you become numb, that you know what you have to do to fulfill your dreams.....and you put your big girl pants on......and just do it!