We just need one

I kept telling myself that if we have at least 5 it will be okay. I spent the day with my office door shut trying to keep myself as busy as I could while waiting for the call with the fertilization report. Since I was still pretty uncomfortable from the retrieval it was nice to have quiet time - no one bothers me when they see that door closed.

They said they would call in the afternoon - shortly before 1:00 I get the call. When I answered my phone the call suddenly drops. WHAT?????????? I wait for a few minutes to see if they will call right back. Nothing. Stomach has now started to creep up into my throat. After what felt like over an hour I decided to call the nurses line and just as I was leaving my information they were calling back.
As soon as I answered I had some nurse blurt out - only 4 fertilized. They will be biopsied on Day 5.

I was in such a state of heartbroken shock that I couldn't even respond before she was hanging up. 4? Only 4? I couldn't focus on anything else after that. Hubs and I talked and he still really wasn't understanding and said we'll have 5 to test, that's great (we have our one frozen from our first cycle that is being tested). After I explain to him that we have 4 today, will not mean we will have 4 by Day 5 he started to realize why I was so upset. Kept assuring me that we only need one - we only had one with our last cycle and she's just about to turn 1.

I avoided any and all phone calls last night - especially from my sister who knew we went in. I just couldn't talk about it any more. By the time hubs got home last night I came to terms with this being out of our hands, out of our control. It is what it is at this point. If we have none to transfer, we'll just get back on the horse and start the race all over again.