Everyone tells you to accept all the help you can with newborns once you arrive at home. I had already prepped my mother to spend the week with us once hubs went back to work so I thought that would be a ton of help....and it was, don't get me wrong, but her plan was for me to catch up on sleep while she was there. Yeah didn't work out so well. By the time I pumped it was time to eat, by the time she was done eating it was time to pump again - I have now since pushed my pumping hours back from every 3 to now every 4-5.
The first week home with hubs didn't seem too bad. I thought I got this, no problem. The second week was eh a little harder. Week 3......was my breakdown week. I was sobbing on the couch with a screaming infant on my chest when hubs came down to see if we were okay. I couldn't control the tears. He hugged me and told me I'm doing a great job and asked if I wanted him to take over. As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew he had a long day ahead of him so I said no and told him to go back to bed. We had two nights in a row like this - needed to figure something out. I thought I would change her bottles to Dr. Browns and THANK YOU JESUS that has seemed to help.
We are still trying to get our routine/schedule down - she'll have two days in a row where she's awake most of the day so I will get a good 5-6 hours out of her at night and then we have a sleepy day where I know it's going to be a long night (cue last night!)
All the tears and frustrations go away the moment she looks in my eyes and smiles - she gave me a big one this morning and it melted my heart! Love this little girl so much!
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Amelia Has Arrived!!!!!!
Wow it's been a while since I've been able to blog and I missed it - okay here's what everyone has missed:
Hubs and I had an u/s appointment on Thursday August 15th - I was not feeling right at all at work (to the point I was walking off a contraction and didn't say hello to the owner and he basically lectured me on how we say hello here....I'm sorry SIR, but my uterus is in so much pain that I want to cry) I politely smiled and said good morning and continued to walk out of the main office. It came time for me to leave for the doctor's and I said today was going to be my last day in the office, that I would be working from home the next day (my official last day).
Left work and went to pick up Hubs - I started to walk towards my Jeep that had all our bags and such ready but he insisted we take his car so when we get back he can drop me off in the employee lot and no one would see him to bother him (downside of being the boss). I was hesitant but went along with it.
We go to the hospital a little early so we went to the café to grab a salad to tide us over until we were done. Get to our appointment and we are brought right in - we laughed at how we couldn't tell what the heck they were looking at anymore because she was so crammed. The tech said the doctor would be in to review everything. In comes the 12 year old looking doctor and she beings to scan my stomach and said something that neither one of us expected to hear: We are gonna call it a day. I asked what she meant by that and she said we were going to have a baby! The fluid was low and she wasn't comfortable with it - left the room to call the OB office to send me up to get examined. As soon as the door shut I burst into tears - I had such a fear rush over me that I wasn't expecting. Hubs said everything will be okay and we should have expected this based on our last appointment (we were told we might be admitted if my BP was still elevated).
As we head upstairs to the OB's office I can see the nervousness set in with the hubs - it was really kinda cute how he was excited and anxious all at the same time :) We get to the office and I was only 1 cm but 100% effaced so we would only have to have Pitocin. Off to L&D we went to get hooked up to monitor and have blood work done (BP was still elevated) all of that came back normal and bug was doing just fine. The nurse told us we could either wait for a room or come back first thing in the morning. I thought about just going home so we could get all of our stuff but then agreed that what ever was the safest we'll do....she told me that was the right answer. Sent us to the coffee shop to get some food and we called the family. I had to laugh because my mother asked that we not have this all go down at 4:00 as they will be stuck in horrible traffic (they were coming from CT) well guess what time we called :) HA HA
Inhaled a cheeseburger and fries and we headed back up to be admitted - by the time we got to the room and had Pitocin it was about 5:00 and my parents were there by 5:30 (lucky for them there was zero traffic). The rest of the family came and hubs family came around 8....I held out until 9ish before I was asking for the BEST DRUG EVER INVENTED - epidural! I was getting annoyed with my sisters when they kept asking why I was waiting so long to get it - honestly the contractions were tolerable so I figured why not just wait until I can't deal with it anymore....that and it was nothing compared to the pain I experienced from my surgery 3+ years ago!
Family was kicked out of the room and hubs and I got some sleep....okay well hubs got some sleep. It was about 3:30 am when the doctor decided to check to see how far along I was - 9.5 cm....it was time to get ready to push! I was competing with another woman in the next room to see who could deliver first (yes I'm that competitive.....hey it was her 3rd, my 1st). We had to have the other on call doctor deliver since the other one was in another room - he walked in and looked around and asked, what do you need me to do? I remember picking my head up and looking at him like he was crazy! But he was awesome! The nurse that I had was amazing as well - asked if it was okay if hubs looked down at my lady bits while I was pushing and at that point I didn't care - originally I told him he was NOT to go past my shoulders....but I'm glad he was able to see the birth of our daughter.
I started to push at 3:45 am (with Pulp Fiction on the television - haha) and by 5:06 am Amelia Veriss was laying on my chest! As I had asked my angels upstairs to give me the strength to keep pushing, one of the nurses told me to open my eyes and I saw her coming out. It truly was the best moment of my life.
Here are some pictures from delivery to 2 weeks:
Next post.....first few weeks at home.
Hubs and I had an u/s appointment on Thursday August 15th - I was not feeling right at all at work (to the point I was walking off a contraction and didn't say hello to the owner and he basically lectured me on how we say hello here....I'm sorry SIR, but my uterus is in so much pain that I want to cry) I politely smiled and said good morning and continued to walk out of the main office. It came time for me to leave for the doctor's and I said today was going to be my last day in the office, that I would be working from home the next day (my official last day).
Left work and went to pick up Hubs - I started to walk towards my Jeep that had all our bags and such ready but he insisted we take his car so when we get back he can drop me off in the employee lot and no one would see him to bother him (downside of being the boss). I was hesitant but went along with it.
We go to the hospital a little early so we went to the café to grab a salad to tide us over until we were done. Get to our appointment and we are brought right in - we laughed at how we couldn't tell what the heck they were looking at anymore because she was so crammed. The tech said the doctor would be in to review everything. In comes the 12 year old looking doctor and she beings to scan my stomach and said something that neither one of us expected to hear: We are gonna call it a day. I asked what she meant by that and she said we were going to have a baby! The fluid was low and she wasn't comfortable with it - left the room to call the OB office to send me up to get examined. As soon as the door shut I burst into tears - I had such a fear rush over me that I wasn't expecting. Hubs said everything will be okay and we should have expected this based on our last appointment (we were told we might be admitted if my BP was still elevated).
As we head upstairs to the OB's office I can see the nervousness set in with the hubs - it was really kinda cute how he was excited and anxious all at the same time :) We get to the office and I was only 1 cm but 100% effaced so we would only have to have Pitocin. Off to L&D we went to get hooked up to monitor and have blood work done (BP was still elevated) all of that came back normal and bug was doing just fine. The nurse told us we could either wait for a room or come back first thing in the morning. I thought about just going home so we could get all of our stuff but then agreed that what ever was the safest we'll do....she told me that was the right answer. Sent us to the coffee shop to get some food and we called the family. I had to laugh because my mother asked that we not have this all go down at 4:00 as they will be stuck in horrible traffic (they were coming from CT) well guess what time we called :) HA HA
Inhaled a cheeseburger and fries and we headed back up to be admitted - by the time we got to the room and had Pitocin it was about 5:00 and my parents were there by 5:30 (lucky for them there was zero traffic). The rest of the family came and hubs family came around 8....I held out until 9ish before I was asking for the BEST DRUG EVER INVENTED - epidural! I was getting annoyed with my sisters when they kept asking why I was waiting so long to get it - honestly the contractions were tolerable so I figured why not just wait until I can't deal with it anymore....that and it was nothing compared to the pain I experienced from my surgery 3+ years ago!
Family was kicked out of the room and hubs and I got some sleep....okay well hubs got some sleep. It was about 3:30 am when the doctor decided to check to see how far along I was - 9.5 cm....it was time to get ready to push! I was competing with another woman in the next room to see who could deliver first (yes I'm that competitive.....hey it was her 3rd, my 1st). We had to have the other on call doctor deliver since the other one was in another room - he walked in and looked around and asked, what do you need me to do? I remember picking my head up and looking at him like he was crazy! But he was awesome! The nurse that I had was amazing as well - asked if it was okay if hubs looked down at my lady bits while I was pushing and at that point I didn't care - originally I told him he was NOT to go past my shoulders....but I'm glad he was able to see the birth of our daughter.
I started to push at 3:45 am (with Pulp Fiction on the television - haha) and by 5:06 am Amelia Veriss was laying on my chest! As I had asked my angels upstairs to give me the strength to keep pushing, one of the nurses told me to open my eyes and I saw her coming out. It truly was the best moment of my life.
Here are some pictures from delivery to 2 weeks:
Next post.....first few weeks at home.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Looking back
As our due date is quickly approaching.....1 week and 2 days (but totally not counting) I wanted to look back and read my old posts. It still amazes me what we've been through on this journey and how far we've come. When reading the posts I remember exactly how I felt when I was writing each one - all the fears, the excitement, the tears. Life sure is one giant journey and I'm glad I followed the advice to blog about it.
The support family you find once you enter Infertility Land is something that you would never expect. The love, cheers, sadness you feel for everyone is so amazing - I know I've said this before, but I really am not sure how I would have gotten through all of this without each and every one of them, especially my Mafia IVFers!
This week I have been feeling blah - looking forward to my last day in a week (if not sooner, fingers crossed). I'm just tired of hearing: You are still here? You are still pregnant? You look so tired. Oh your ankles, they look like they hurt so bad. I try very hard to be as polite as I can with my response, but it's usually just a smile and a nod.
Come on people, honestly?????? What the hell is wrong with you to think that making these statements to a 9 month pregnant lady is okay?
The best is when you start to get advice to induce labor - I don't give a rats ass what you did when you were pregnant to make labor come on. You have NO clue what I've done to get pregnant so I'm gonna let mother nature takes it's course with this one and actually have one thing, hopefully, go 'normal'.
The support family you find once you enter Infertility Land is something that you would never expect. The love, cheers, sadness you feel for everyone is so amazing - I know I've said this before, but I really am not sure how I would have gotten through all of this without each and every one of them, especially my Mafia IVFers!
This week I have been feeling blah - looking forward to my last day in a week (if not sooner, fingers crossed). I'm just tired of hearing: You are still here? You are still pregnant? You look so tired. Oh your ankles, they look like they hurt so bad. I try very hard to be as polite as I can with my response, but it's usually just a smile and a nod.
Come on people, honestly?????? What the hell is wrong with you to think that making these statements to a 9 month pregnant lady is okay?
The best is when you start to get advice to induce labor - I don't give a rats ass what you did when you were pregnant to make labor come on. You have NO clue what I've done to get pregnant so I'm gonna let mother nature takes it's course with this one and actually have one thing, hopefully, go 'normal'.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Not the first granddaughter
Well bug held the prize for a while, but Monday morning at 8:26 am my brother and his wife welcomed a beautiful baby girl to the family! Miss Sydney Rose was 8 lbs 10 oz and 21.5 inches long! She is so precious.
My family all got the call to stand by the phones on Sunday as my SIL was headed to hospital. Since I had been up since 1:30 that morning I told my mom that I was going to try to nap in case I had to drive down later that night.....then the text messages start, phone keeps ringing. I'm sorry but what part of I'm going to try to nap did you all not understand! But she was sent home, poor thing!
Monday morning I was up at 12:30 with some serious BH and was able to get back to sleep around 1:30 only to be woken up at 2:00 with the call to get to the hospital. I just laid there wanting to cry because I was so overly tired and the thought of driving to Worcester at that time just didn't sit well with me. I woke up hubs and told him I had to leave. He wanted no part of me being in a car, at that time of night, on minimal sleep, being 9 months preggo. Thankfully my sister met me off the highway on her way down and we followed each other and talked on the phones the whole way to keep each other awake. Made it to the hospital just before 4:00 and they were giving her fluids before she could get epidural - this made me happy since she felt so strongly about going o'natural! ;) Love how she was trying but lasted a hot minute before she was asking for the drugs!
My brother sent a text saying they were prepping the room for her to start to push right before 8:00 - this is when we all started to bet to see how long it would be. By 9:30 we got another text asking how the anticipation was in the waiting room....ugh you little shit bag! By 9:50 he was standing in the doorway announcing the birth of his baby girl! Mom only pushed for about 30 minutes! How sweet is that!
My family all got the call to stand by the phones on Sunday as my SIL was headed to hospital. Since I had been up since 1:30 that morning I told my mom that I was going to try to nap in case I had to drive down later that night.....then the text messages start, phone keeps ringing. I'm sorry but what part of I'm going to try to nap did you all not understand! But she was sent home, poor thing!
Monday morning I was up at 12:30 with some serious BH and was able to get back to sleep around 1:30 only to be woken up at 2:00 with the call to get to the hospital. I just laid there wanting to cry because I was so overly tired and the thought of driving to Worcester at that time just didn't sit well with me. I woke up hubs and told him I had to leave. He wanted no part of me being in a car, at that time of night, on minimal sleep, being 9 months preggo. Thankfully my sister met me off the highway on her way down and we followed each other and talked on the phones the whole way to keep each other awake. Made it to the hospital just before 4:00 and they were giving her fluids before she could get epidural - this made me happy since she felt so strongly about going o'natural! ;) Love how she was trying but lasted a hot minute before she was asking for the drugs!
My brother sent a text saying they were prepping the room for her to start to push right before 8:00 - this is when we all started to bet to see how long it would be. By 9:30 we got another text asking how the anticipation was in the waiting room....ugh you little shit bag! By 9:50 he was standing in the doorway announcing the birth of his baby girl! Mom only pushed for about 30 minutes! How sweet is that!
Sydney checking out her new 'favorite' aunt (kept telling her that so she'll have to believe it)
Amelia and Sydney meeting each other
What made me giggle was every time I held her my bug kept kicking - so either she was saying hello or she was saying get away from my mommy!
Being there made me so excited to get to meet our little girl. I can't believe it's right around the corner!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Laboring cream cheese????
WTF? I thought I heard it all until yesterday. My SIL is now officially past her due date and is showing no signs of this baby coming any time soon. My mother was keeping the family updated and then sent out one of her confusing emails that takes 5 people to try to translate about going to Worcester to get the baby cream cheese. WHAT????????? There is a place in Worcester MA that sells cream cheese that is supposed to cause labor.
STILL don't believe me....here's the link: http://ericslapatisserie.com/radio.html
Not sure if they went and got it for her but I can honestly say I think I have heard it all now! Cream cheese...really????????
Tomorrow is our 36 week appointment and bugs last photo shoot. Dreading stepping on the scale and seeing how much more weight I've gained the past 2 weeks! I know, I know, I'm pregnant and supposed to be putting on weight but it's hard for me. I've never been 'heavy'...well minus college when I was chunka face from the mass amounts of beer I consumed ;) but honestly I have never gone over 140/145 (I'm 5'9"). I struggled with an eating disorder back when I was 19 - had to make sure that I had no time to eat, which was easy since it was the summer. This was my day, every day: got up, went to work, after work went to work out, went tanning (yes in the summer), went to high school track to do sprints, got home, showered, went out for the night. Thankfully it didn't last long and I smartened up! Jump ahead 5 or so years I start to date my ex - who was 6'2" 220 lbs of solid muscle. At that time he owned a health food store so of course he's going to be in perfect shape. I begin to work out with him and get back into my old habits....then stop. I know it's not a pretty road so I alter my eating habits and just eat clean. I had gotten down to about 115 lbs during the time we were together (4 years) granted I thought I looked great because I was lean and had defined muscles that I never knew existed. Looking back after we broke up I knew I was too skinny and it wasn't healthy! Oh and I forgot to mention Mr. Health Nut who wouldn't allow milk in the house because it had fat in it was on the juice! Yeah that's good for business!
That brings me to today and me having distorted body image issues. For example: Kate....how on EARTH was she carrying an 8lb baby looking the way she did...amazing! Then seeing her the day after she just gave birth...come on! Part of me thought for a second there is no way she was really pregnant/gave birth - no one ever looks that good! See...I have issues! HA HA
I am not starving myself or my child....TRUST me, no worries there. Just having a very difficult time with the way I look.....in the end is it worth it, absolutely....will I be back to working out as soon as the doc gives me the okay, you can bet your ass I will be ;)
STILL don't believe me....here's the link: http://ericslapatisserie.com/radio.html
Not sure if they went and got it for her but I can honestly say I think I have heard it all now! Cream cheese...really????????
Tomorrow is our 36 week appointment and bugs last photo shoot. Dreading stepping on the scale and seeing how much more weight I've gained the past 2 weeks! I know, I know, I'm pregnant and supposed to be putting on weight but it's hard for me. I've never been 'heavy'...well minus college when I was chunka face from the mass amounts of beer I consumed ;) but honestly I have never gone over 140/145 (I'm 5'9"). I struggled with an eating disorder back when I was 19 - had to make sure that I had no time to eat, which was easy since it was the summer. This was my day, every day: got up, went to work, after work went to work out, went tanning (yes in the summer), went to high school track to do sprints, got home, showered, went out for the night. Thankfully it didn't last long and I smartened up! Jump ahead 5 or so years I start to date my ex - who was 6'2" 220 lbs of solid muscle. At that time he owned a health food store so of course he's going to be in perfect shape. I begin to work out with him and get back into my old habits....then stop. I know it's not a pretty road so I alter my eating habits and just eat clean. I had gotten down to about 115 lbs during the time we were together (4 years) granted I thought I looked great because I was lean and had defined muscles that I never knew existed. Looking back after we broke up I knew I was too skinny and it wasn't healthy! Oh and I forgot to mention Mr. Health Nut who wouldn't allow milk in the house because it had fat in it was on the juice! Yeah that's good for business!
That brings me to today and me having distorted body image issues. For example: Kate....how on EARTH was she carrying an 8lb baby looking the way she did...amazing! Then seeing her the day after she just gave birth...come on! Part of me thought for a second there is no way she was really pregnant/gave birth - no one ever looks that good! See...I have issues! HA HA
I am not starving myself or my child....TRUST me, no worries there. Just having a very difficult time with the way I look.....in the end is it worth it, absolutely....will I be back to working out as soon as the doc gives me the okay, you can bet your ass I will be ;)
Monday, July 22, 2013
Well that stung a little.....
No, I'm not referring to a bee sting. I'm referring to finding out that one of my best friends is 16 weeks pregnant and has kept it from us for a few reasons: 1 - she wanted to surprise us when she came out at the end of August and 2 - she didn't want to be considered and insenstive asshole and take away from my pregnancy. Now, as much as I appreciate her thinking about my feelings I told her that I was a little mad she hasn't said anything. As happy as I am for her and her husband, it did sting a bit when she told me. I mean her daughter isn't even a year old yet! She kept on telling me she didn't want to tell me because of how hard it was for hubs and I and didn't want to upset me. Listen, I'm not a China Doll - if I haven't broken already with everything that has happened over the past, shit, almost 4 years now, I think I'm good. Will I have days where I ask why, sure will. Will I have days that I ask what did I do, absolutley - but I will not break. I will have my 'moment' and move on.
When hubs called on his way home from work I had to tell him - he was just as shocked as I was. When I told him that it did sting a bit he asked me why and then quickly figured it out and said it does suck that some people can get pregnant easily but we got this, we know what the problem is and we will keep moving forward.
It's hard for me to not be envious/jealous of the fertiles - even if I am pregnant - I have so many people that I have met that struggle daily that I just wish they can get their dreams handed to them.....to start their very own family!
Monday, July 15, 2013
Spoiled rotten already
This little girl of mine is already spoiled rotten. I had my shower this past Saturday and as I was dreading the days leading up to it, dreading the time before the guests showed up, it turned out to be such an amazing day. I was trapped upstairs as my mom wanted the decorations to be a surprise....not that I don't have windows upstairs that I could peek out of....I only cheated a few times ;)
My family went over and beyond what anyone could have asked for....was hoping my mother would have uploaded her pics so I could share in her details/decorations but she hasn't gotten there yet.
The day weather wise was great - got a little hot once the clouds broke but couldn't have asked for a nicer day. When hubs got home from work he went inside and saw all the stuff in the dining room and then the office - looked at me and goes, 'Holy Shit! Where is all this stuff going?' I started to laugh. Yesterday I was determined to get everything organized and cleaned up a bit. Did pretty well I think and will begin to wash the ridiculous amounts of clothes she has tonight.
Probably one, well yes one of the best gifts....a giant basket FILLED with clothes and a pair of sneakers attached to handle all from my dad. My mom had been telling me that when they go shopping he walks away and comes back with his own bags of stuff for Amelia....it was cute that he did that.
My second favorite gift: was a doll house from my middle sister. When we were growing up my two older sisters got custom wooden doll houses (you know the fancy pants ones that you can paint/has electricity/etc) well I never got one for whatever reason...not that I'm holding a grudge still ;) Her card was what sent me over the edge. Started off my saying that Amelia will be the closest thing to a daughter she will have and wanted to pass down the doll house. She is the one that was always known as the 'strong' sister but in her card she told me that she couldn't have been more proud of my strength and determination through everything the past few years and that I was so much stronger than her.
As everyone was getting ready to leave, I hugged my mom so tight and couldn't thank her enough for everything she did for me that day. She held my face and said no, thank you for jumping in feet first and never giving up hope to let us have this day.
My family went over and beyond what anyone could have asked for....was hoping my mother would have uploaded her pics so I could share in her details/decorations but she hasn't gotten there yet.
The day weather wise was great - got a little hot once the clouds broke but couldn't have asked for a nicer day. When hubs got home from work he went inside and saw all the stuff in the dining room and then the office - looked at me and goes, 'Holy Shit! Where is all this stuff going?' I started to laugh. Yesterday I was determined to get everything organized and cleaned up a bit. Did pretty well I think and will begin to wash the ridiculous amounts of clothes she has tonight.
Probably one, well yes one of the best gifts....a giant basket FILLED with clothes and a pair of sneakers attached to handle all from my dad. My mom had been telling me that when they go shopping he walks away and comes back with his own bags of stuff for Amelia....it was cute that he did that.
My second favorite gift: was a doll house from my middle sister. When we were growing up my two older sisters got custom wooden doll houses (you know the fancy pants ones that you can paint/has electricity/etc) well I never got one for whatever reason...not that I'm holding a grudge still ;) Her card was what sent me over the edge. Started off my saying that Amelia will be the closest thing to a daughter she will have and wanted to pass down the doll house. She is the one that was always known as the 'strong' sister but in her card she told me that she couldn't have been more proud of my strength and determination through everything the past few years and that I was so much stronger than her.
As everyone was getting ready to leave, I hugged my mom so tight and couldn't thank her enough for everything she did for me that day. She held my face and said no, thank you for jumping in feet first and never giving up hope to let us have this day.
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