Next trip to crazy town

Yesterday was a mix of emotions - Bug and I headed to the hospital to meet up with hubs to go to our meeting. I was concerned having her in the waiting room with us, just knowing how hard it was for me to see them while I waited each time, but than remembered it gave me a little more hope. They are there with a baby they clearly got from being in this office, so I let that feeling slip away. Bug was in a great mood and was SUPER loud...to the point I was actually trying to shhh a 6 month old - 'cuz she knows what that means...ya dummy!

The nurses all came over to meet her and were over the moon thrilled to finally see her. Then that door opened, the one that made my stomach drop each time, but this time the face that always seemed to look so sad for me was grinning from ear to ear. She couldn't wait to get her hands on Bug and held her for the whole appointment - even nurse Nancy (who I LOVE) came by and yelled at her for hogging the baby.

After much discussion we have all come to an agreement: Fresh Cycle with PGD again. They have changed the way they do things now in regards to the testing. They freeze all individually on Day 5 - ship cells from each one for testing (including our frostie) - body needs to cycle the next month - transfer the following. So now this process is going to take 3 months - sidebar - this killed me when I counted on the calendar when we were discussing because May was when I was supposed to go to Nashville to meet the rest of the girls from our group! Heartbroken!

She is going to be more aggressive with me this time because there really is no fear of overstimulating since it's a longer process....can totally feel me jinxing myself by repeating her statement. Her goal is to have at least 2 good ones - transfer 1 - freeze the other if we decide on baby #3.

The reason we chose to go down this path is because it is the best option for us. Being a carrier for a translocation we have no idea if our frostie is 'normal' and she is not comfortable taking that risk and having me either (a) miscarry or (b) carry to term and lose the baby due to it being a carrier of an unbalanced translocation - I told her if we found out the baby was a carrier I would not be able to term pregnancy and this is when she got firm with her decision not to go FET.

Right now we are in agreement that one goes back in, if we have one, and pray it's a boy. I thought about putting two back if we get two, but after last night.....we can just put one back. Three kids under the age of 3....I'm all set!

I'd like one ticket please

Well today I go meet with our RE to start again - start the roller coaster ride. I am a mix of emotions because I am excited to start again but fearful we will not be successful. I am worried she will tell us that we should wait a little longer (her original plan was for us to call her when we were starting to plan Bugs first birthday.....does pinning stuff on Pinterest count? 'Cuz I've been doing that for about a month now).

I was watching bug and hubs lay on the couch last night and wondered what it would be like with two, maybe even three. Could we handle it? Would I be able to handle it since hubs works so many hours? Of course I know the answer is yes and will take some adjusting and getting used to.

I am very excited that our RE can finally meet Bug - so she can see what she helped us get. That must be one of the most amazing feelings RE's must have....when they get to see their patients little ones! So rewarding....okay getting sidetracked.

Due to our new address in Infertility Land, I wonder what we should do. FET or Fresh? Hubs and I don't really see eye to eye on this, think I've already discussed this, but.....Hubs doesn't want to do FET because it wasn't tested and he does not want me to suffer another miscarriage. I just can't NOT use it. I would always wonder and play the horrible 'what if' game.Ideally I would like to use our frostie along with an egg from a fresh cycle - that's another fear, if we do a fresh and testing, will we have any good eggs? If not, then we are back to FET anyway right?

We've both agreed that we are not telling anyone about going to docs and starting up - let's see how long that will last since I'm the WORST liar in the world!

Lots of emotions happening today - hell you would think I was on Lupron already!

It happened overnight

Everyone tells you how fast your kids will grow up - I would always just shrug my shoulders and smile, the only thing I knew to do at that time without wanting to burst in to tears. I didn't think I would ever be able to understand what they meant by that. Why they would say that? How could it really happen that fast without you realizing it?

Guess what - it happens overnight! Thanks to a pretty bad snow storm yesterday, bug and I spent the day at home. We were playing in the toy room and all I wanted was for her to roll over - hubs and I have been trying to get her to do this for a while now....she'll roll to her side, hang there for a minute and then, eh, she's over it and rolls right to her back again. Not yesterday....she got to her side and I started to record with my phone in hopes she would complete the 'roll'. I kept saying, 'keep going, keep going' as I was holding back from pushing her big ol' bum to help her move a little quicker. Then she did it. Rolled over all on her own and I almost burst in to tears - one of my biggest fears is missing out on her firsts.

Normally I'm a huge hater on snow storms, but not yesterday - yesterday I was thrilled to have been stuck inside the house with my bug so I could watch her roll over...then to see her sit up for a good amount of time on her own while she smashed her chubby hands on the toys. To top it off, one of her bottom teeth is starting to poke through (both are coming up but now you can see one more than the other).

Now I get it.....it really does happen fast!

True Love

I was talking with my sister this afternoon and she brought up one of the guys that works for the company she does who recently lost his wife. This was the first time she's spoken to him since the loss. She mentioned how her husband drove past the church when the services were going on and the man informed her that it was where they got married. They were driving around one afternoon and decided to get married. They went to see if anyone would be available to marry them and as fate would have it there was a priest ready. When asked who would be their witness, the man replied, you are. When asked who would be his best man, the man replied, you will. And that was it.
He continued on telling her his wife was his best friend, that he misses her more and more each day. He never needed it to be a holiday or special occasion for him to buy her flowers. She had a mini chalk board on her desk at their home and he wrote: I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. It is still sitting on her desk.

That is true love - sounds like something straight out of a movie!

My true love.....you sound horrible, you are sick, get away.

Gotta love the romance hubs has for me :)

Cooties, Snot nose, booger eyes, drool monster

Want to know how my weekend was? Read the title again.
Saturday morning I woke up to chatter coming from the monitor so I knew I didn't have much longer to rest my eyes before the hangry beast arose. I go in to her room and it's still a little dark, that or could be that my eyes were not fully open, and she's wide awake and greats me with an ear to ear smile! I notice she has eye boogs on her left eye so I take my hand and wipe it away...hmm, still there. Time to turn the light on. Her eye was covered in green eye boogs! After I wipe her eye clean I bring her over to the changing table only to notice it looks like she just got out of the boxing ring. WHAT IN THE HELL?????

Hubs wakes up after I ask for him to come in to look at her eye. I call the doctor's office - knowing I will get the answering service - the D.B. on the line kept saying she can't hear me that I have to call back from a land line (after telling her our phones are broken so I cannot call from our land line) she takes all our information and said she'll 'page it out'.....well I don't know it was morse code paging or pigeon carrier but we NEVER got a call back. Thankfully I had her drops from before and kept putting a warm cloth on her eye that the swelling went down. It went down alright and reappeared in her right eye Monday morning. COME ON!

This time I brought her to see her doctor - the nurse asked if she had been around anyone with conjunctivitis. I just looked at her and said, she goes to daycare. God only knows what germs she's around. The doctor comes in, does his thing and it's what hubs and I thought from the beginning....conjunctifunk. Thankfully I treated it right away so she's not contagious anymore. Spent the day at home with her and trying to get work done wasn't in her cards for me. What she had planned was to whine, sneeze in my face, chew on anything and everything she could get her hands on.

We are still trying to get her to roll....but Miss Lazy bones doesn't seem to care too much about it. She'll get to her side and just chill out there and then right to her back again. Started to introduce food and thankfully she's eating like a champ! Banana's, Sweet Potatoes and last night Avocado - takes a few spoonfuls for her to figure out what is going on but after that she's chowing like a girl finding out she's pregnant.

So far I've made everything and will try to keep up with it when we keep introducing new things....just not too sure about mashing up chicken when it comes to that time.....pate anyone?

From a man's perspective

One of my girlfriend's shared this with our group this morning and I had to continue to share:

http://www.dreamingofdimples.com/2014/01/the-disgrace-of-infertility.html?m=1

Daycare

If you are one of the lucky ones to get to stay home, this topic will never come up in your home. If you are like the majority of the world out there - this conversation sucks!

I have always been work driven, thanks to the work ethic my parents instilled in us. Now, I would give anything to be able to stay at home with my daughter - yes I know, that is a full time job as well....not the point I'm getting at.

I was always the one that would make comments about mother's calling in to work because their kid was sick, there was no daycare, had to take their kid to the doctor's, etc.....I looked at it like you have a job, you should be there and not depend on others to get it done for you. Now I want to kick my own ass for being that way and thinking it's 'that' easy.

Since I am the carrier for insurance and we are looking to have another child (IVF covered under my plan...thank you Jesus!), going back to work was the only option - bring on, 'what are we going to do with bug?' I knew daycare was really our only option. After much talk I finally convinced hubs to go visit one of the day cares that I really liked (being only 6 months pregnant at the time he couldn't understand why I kept pushing the matter).

After we toured the facility (it's a chain daycare) we went back to sit with the director to discuss cost....cue throwing up in my mouth! We do however get a 10% working family discount because the company I work for is one of the participants (so make sure you ask about it) but still, hello second mortgage! She informed us there was only one spot left for the time we were looking to have her start and another couple was looking at the same time frame (saw it so I knew she wasn't lying). We had less than 24 hours to make the decision as the other couple was coming back in so her husband could get the tour.

We were both very happy with this place and didn't want to lose it - hubs mindset of day cares changed after he saw what they do/offer. I called that afternoon to reserve our spot.

Leading up to the end of my maternity leave I was so sad - I didn't want to leave her - I didn't want someone else to spend the day with her. Thankfully hubs does the dropping off so I wasn't that first time mom lurking in the windows wondering what they are going to do with her (we joke and say they are all kept in dog crates and then they rush to get the room back together by 3:00). He called after he left and said he was very comfortable leaving her with them so that was reassuring we left her in good hands - and it's only 3 days a week.

Dressing her for day care is always a chore - I lay out two options each night for hubs (I want to make sure she matches) I caught myself laying out options last night and busted out laughing....it's daycare for cyring out loud! There's a good chance she'll shit through her clothes, get paint on her sleeves, and no doubt have a shirt covered in drool - who cares what she wears!