One week to go!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas/Holiday!

My brother and his wife announced they were expecting right before we started to open gifts on Christmas Eve. Immediately I could feel all eyes on me to see what my reaction was going to be, thank God I was prepared ;) My aunt who was next to me asked if they trumped me and I just shook my head and said no and then she reached over to grab my arm. So our little secret is still safe!
My middle sister was shocked by my reaction and said it wasn't what she thought it would be and then I told her I knew for a few weeks. I was surprised though when I went on Facebook and my godparents daughter announced they were expecting (recently married this summer). The poor thing has been so sick (what the Princess has/had) that she's been in the hospital 3 different times for a period of time. Thankfully she was better to be released right before Christmas so she could be home with her family.

One more week until we can finally see our little bean and hear the heartbeat! I pray every night that the bean is growing and has a strong heartbeat. This will be a first for us. With our first loss we only saw the heartbeat, we never heard it. One more week! Thankfully it hasn't been too hard with the holidays to keep me busy and my mind off of the waiting game.

I just can't wait to tell the family. I wish I could wait until we were doing family pictures in February - just shout out I'm pregnant and have her get everyone's reaction....that would be fantastic, but no way I can wait that long!!!! Instead we will have it be a great birthday present for my father - we are going to wrap a frame with the u/s picture in it.....mom's always get the news first so I'll let my dad be the first one this time!

Here is to a fabulous 2013!!!
xoxo

Merry Christmas - Happy Holidays

Well I've been slacking.....boy oh boy! Trying to keep myself busy with the holidays to keep my mind off the LONG wait until our ultra sound!

I do want to wish you all a very 

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays! 

Thank you all for your constant support through all of this and for taking the time to read my life's journey!
xoxo

Beta #3

Today was my third Beta. It was with Nurse Nancy who I love and we always end up just chatting away. It was super quiet in the office today and she explained that with the holidays they don't have too many people in cycles right now - yay for me, no waiting!
As she drawing my blood, we are chatting about the holidays and some secrets to make it look like you are enjoying an adult beverage - she did the bait and switch with her husbands wine glass :) I'll stick to my sprite with lime!

Gear up to start my day but I just can't help starring at my phone - again, told myself not to answer. Right on time, there is the number. This time it's odd. My phone is not vibrating and then there was no message. I immediately think the worst - par for the course with this whole process. I start to think she didn't have the nerve to leave me bad news on my voice mail, she wants to tell me over the phone. I call back and leave her a message. Within 10 minutes there is that phone number again. This time I answer.

Nurse Nancy: Kelly? I'm so sorry I didn't leave a message. I had to hang up due to a fire alarm.

Me: Oh, okay. I couldn't help but think it was bad news. It isn't right?

Nurse Nancy: (laughing) of course not. Your levels went up to 931. *slight pause as she knows as I'm trying to calm down* Now, let's schedule your first u/s. It will be January 3rd at 11:30.......

The conversation goes into more detail, but I will not bore you. All that matters - Beta went to 931!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas to Me and the Hubs!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hang up with her and immediately call him - he was so happy to hear that the numbers are going up and thinks this could be it! I agree, this little bean is going to make it! Still be cautious of course...January 3rd is  some ways away. Taking it one day at a time!

NOW for my dilemma. I was hoping that I could tell our immediate family at Christmas (my family Christmas Eve and his Christmas Day) Thought about taking the embaby picture, a picture of the HPT, and a picture of the 3 parking tickets from the garage with the Betas on them and putting in frame to give to the parents (with a label that will say open cautiously)....that was until a strong wave came over me that my brother and his wife might be announcing something. I emailed them both asking if they were going to announce anything at Christmas to please let me know. He called last night. He NEVER calls me! So I knew. I knew she was preggers....I knew at Thanksgiving she was! Boy am I good! They are unsure what they are going to do since her first appointment isn't until New Years....yes, we are neck and neck....so now I don't know what to do. Call me selfish, hell I am, but I want to have my thunder! I want to be able to not have to share my news with them. They got preggers the easy way - we had to work way harder for ours! Just sayin' - HA

Guess I have a little more time to figure this out.....

Beta #2

Another date with the blood sucker this morning. I was so nervous and scared that the numbers didn't double and we would have to get through the holidays with a fake smile on our faces.

First one in this morning - in and out in a matter of minutes. On my way into work I just kept thinking of the last time we received the results of Beta #2 - which really isn't a good idea to let your mind wander when you are traveling on the highway in the morning commute! Thankfully it wasn't too bad or I'm pretty sure I would have caused an accident by not really paying attention! oops.

Get my day started and then the call comes in. My heart begins to race a million miles a minute and I choose to not answer. I'm such a chicken shit when it comes to this whole process and getting the results! After watching the phone for a few minutes waiting for the 'voice mail' icon to appear, I can't help but think it's taking too long, she's leaving bad news. Bam there is the icon. I grabbed the phone and started to shake before I could hit play.

"Hi Kelly it's Nurse Lisa (never met this one!). I have your results from this morning and your levels went up to 363 which is a very nice rise from Monday. We want you to come back in on Friday for one more Beta and if all goes well we will schedule your first ultra sound."

I cannot believe it! Did she really just say my levels increased nicely to 363?????????? I immediately text the hubs (knowing he's in his morning meeting and can't answer his phone) then of course next on my list is my Mafia IVF'ers and then the girls on the forum. Since we aren't telling anyone yet, my second family gets to share in my excitement/news!

One more hurdle we've jumped over - still plenty more.....but today, I'm still preggers and will enjoy every minute of it!

HPT and Beta #1

Well I broke down and tested Friday night - I just couldn't wait any longer. I stopped on my way home to get the pee sticks and then stopped at the gym to cancel our memberships (we have a home gym now so it's pointless to keep the membership)....as soon as I walked in the door - past the messy kitchen (hubs was making dinner....fantastic cook, but boy does he make a mess) - right into the bathroom to test.

Did my thing and just sat there starring at the stick gearing myself up for the worst. Then all of a sudden my stomach drops, my heart starts beating faster and my eyes fill with tears:

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! Our little guy made it! I sat in the bathroom for about 10 minutes before I walked into the kitchen to tell the hubs. He was excited but of course optimistic and said we can't get too excited just yet. Knowing he was right, I still told him I could enjoy being preggers tonight....

Made it through my work Christmas Party with ease (thank you Sprite with a lime) and had a difficult time trying to convince some people that we were not going out afterwards....thankfully my parents were coming up the next day so I had a solid excuse. Spent the day with my mom and dad - went to lunch - hung out and then up to one of my nephew's hockey game. With the pill bottle containing my Estrace in one coat pocket and my phone in the other with the alarm set so I would remember to take them - that was tricky trying to get each one out without my sister noticing.

Today was the big Beta Day. Was the 3rd one in and when she brought me in she asked if this was the big day and I told her it was but I cheated and tested. When she asked if it was positive, she got so excited when I told her it was and now I need her to give me a great number. We chatted about how I've been through so much and she was so happy that I got a positive hpt, discussed the PGD testing results and she was shocked that only one made it - told her I wasn't, it was what I was expecting since they say on 20% would be normal. Then I mentioned how I thought it was crazy that the doctor asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby the day of the transfer and she just smiled saying they all know. Quickly stopped her and said not right now, have to get through some obstacles first :) She sent me on my way and off to work I go.

Within an hour of being at my desk I see the number come across my phone and my stomach drops. Debated if I should answer. It was nurse Nancy with my results. "Well you know it's positive and it's positive! Congratulations! Your Beta level is 170 which is excellent." At that point I started to shake because I was so happy to hear a high number. I had to ask her again what she said to just confirm I heard the right number. Now I just need my little bean to keep growing and double those numbers for our next appointment.

To POAS or Not to POAS

It's coming close to when I should be able to get a result on a hpt......one of my Mafia IVFer's asked me why I haven't if my boobs are sore - simple answer: I'm chicken shit and scared that it will be negative. So she's asked for tomorrow, her birthday....talk about pressure :) Love all my girls! so maybe.... :) I did tell myself that I would on Sunday the day before my Beta. For two reasons: (1) to prepare for bad news and (2) be able to share with the hubs at home if it's good news.

Trying not to over analyze anything but it's so darn hard not to. I literally feel myself up throughout the day to make sure they are still sore - got a little nervous this morning when they weren't as sore but it wasn't until I put my bra on that I realized, yeah, still sore! I will have to say this wait hasn't been as nearly as bad as the last time - I'm thanking the holidays for this. I've been keeping myself occupied with decorating and shopping. Since the decorating part is done and shopping is close to done, I will keep motivated and wrap everything. Mind you, I'm the one that is out shopping the week before xmas and wrapping the night before xmas eve. So I'm pretty psyched to have it all done so early this year.....yes I know there are some crazies out there that are like, "you aren't done yet? wow, I was done months ago" - good for you crazy Christmas people :)

Today's random thought:
  In the ladies room, there are 3 stalls. The one on the far left is occupied, by me....you have two other options. WHY must you occupy the one next to me???? Space lady - always leave some personal space for a girl to pee. For cryin' out loud. I don't get it.

Catching up

Not so good at keeping up with this lately - took a break to just relax the past 4 days. Okay let's get you all up to speed.....

They say no news is good news right? Well I wouldn't have thought so in the world of IVF! After being physically sick to my stomach all day Wednesday while waiting for my phone to ring with the results of the genetic testing, I broke down and called my nurse. She left a message, as I didn't dare answer the phone, that they still hadn't seen anything sent over from Brigham and to call her first thing in the morning if I needed to talk, that and I would be expecting a call between 4-5 that day to schedule transfer. Shortly after that message Brigham was calling and still not sure why I answered, but I did. They were telling me what time to be there the next day and if something should change, they would give me a call.

Thursday morning up bright and early for my estrace and then tried keeping myself calm while starring at the phone hoping it would not ring. Hubs went off to work and I told him it would not be a pretty sight if he was late today. Made it through the morning/early afternoon with no call! PHEW! Hubs and I get to the hospital right on time and they gear us up. I mentioned how I had not heard the results from the testing to my nurse and she said she would get an embryologist - all I heard was "I don't want to upset her". Almost threw up on myself. Hubs and I had a bet of how many 'good' eggs we would have. He said 3 - bless his heart, and I said 1. All we need is 1. In comes the doctor and embryologist. Of the 8 that were fertilized, 7 were tested and 1 made the grade! Kelly -1, Hubs - 0. I told her that it was what I was expecting so I was okay with that. She then said something that I never thought I would hear - 'Do you want to know the sex of the baby?' I could feel my eyes fill with tears of joy and looked at the hubs and we both said no, not right now. Still have a long road to travel and will be best if we did not find out.....just yet :) How crazy! This little ball of cells - or ball of silly putty as they Hubs was calling it - is already 'known' as a little girl or little boy....again, another bet between us....I said boy, Hubs still isn't sure.

Transfer went smoothly and then it was pure resting the rest of the day and the next. This I found to be very difficult as I don't do well just sitting/laying all day. I did however become addicted to the show Duck Dynasty. Absolutely hilarious!

Now it's the waiting game. For some reason I'm not anxious as I was last cycle. I'm guessing because I'm not getting myself excited this time around. I'm being more realistic that we could have another chemical or just a BFN. I am however ignoring the pains that I've been having pretty much since the night of the transfer on my right side and trying to not let anything touch the boobs - they are sore! This, though, could be the cause of the crinone.....listen, gotta tell myself something to not get too excited right? :)