Here we go again

I couldn't wait to sleep past 5:00 am. When I opened my eyes the room was bright so I knew it was way past my normal morning wake up. It was almost 7:00! YES! Bug was still sleeping, hubs was getting ready and my lazy ass was still laying in bed, enjoying every minute of it.

Hubs got Bug up and continued with their normal morning routine. At that point I figured I best get up since we would have to leave for our appointment soon. Once they were both ready it was my turn to jump in the shower while he headed off to drop Bug at daycare. While I was getting ready I just prayed. I prayed that everything would turn out okay today.

Traffic was the normal heavy, everyone driving up each other's asses. Until one section when all of a sudden I go from driving 11 mph to 67mph. Where the hell did everyone go? Is there a vortex that they drive in to so traffic clears up just before I have to get off the hospital exit? Seriously though, where did they all go?

Hubs was already there waiting for me and we had some time to kill before the appointment. We decided to head to the coffee shop so I could grab a muffin to settle my rumbling belly. Sat there chatting about random stuff before we thought why not head over now to see if we could get in early. I check in and about 5 minutes after I sat down they were calling me back...awesome. What wasn't so awesome was how long I sat in the lounge waiting to be called for the ultra sound! I was literally falling asleep in my chair before the sweet little tech student came back to get me.

While we were headed to the room I cut her off and told her my husband was in the waiting room and if she could please go grab him.....rookie. We are all finally in the room and they are explaining what will happen (been there, done that....too many times!) The u/s tech explained that the student is here working with her and would it be okay is she scanned my stomach. My initial reaction was sure, why not right? She needs to learn. Let me stop and tell you that if any of you are asked this question, it's okay to say no! I don't know how long she had been doing ultra sounds, but wasn't the best idea on my part to have a Rookie scan me - especially since she wasn't getting the best pictures, which of course was causing pure panic to set in.

The tech takes over and shows up the flicker! Thank You Jesus!!!!!!!!!!! Asked me to go empty my bladder to get ready for Wanda the Wand. Another reason to not be excited if there is a student monitoring the appointment - they scanned every inch up in there! EVERY INCH! Once she was done showing the girl every inch of my insides she told me we would get back to the fun part. Listen lady, there is nothing fun about having Wanda the Wand shoved up in your lady bits......but I knew she was referring to going back to look at the baby.

Everything looked great. Radiologist didn't feel the need to come in as there was a strong heartbeat and measurement looked good. We sat in the room for about 10 minutes before we were cleared to go meet with our RE.

During our meeting with the RE I told myself I didn't want to cry. But alas, tears flowed. She is the most sincere, caring, loving woman....I am so glad we had her as our doctor. Chatted about some things and then we asked if she could tell us the sex of the baby. She logged on the her computer and tried to go through all the information but was unable to locate it quickly for us - told us she would call us in about a half an hour to let us know.

Hubs left for work while I waited for the nurse to come out with samples of Crinone - BYE BYE PIO!!!!! Chatted with her for a few and then off I went to enjoy a few quiet hours before it was time to get Bug.

I was pulling on to the highway and see 'that number'.....what did I forget???? It was Nurse Nancy.
So you want to know the sex of the baby?
Well, it's a GIRL!

Well that was scary!

Love Friday's at work....Friday's at work = jeans! I don't have to iron, I don't have to wonder if I already wore that outfit already this week....just throw on some jeans, grab a top and I'm good.
Knew it was going to be an easy day since I had planned on spending half of my day working at our other location - as I was leaving the main office my boss said he had to leave around noon for the doctor's...no problem, I'll make sure I'm back in time.

While I was driving my uterus felt like it was going to explode and the cramps....everything about the ride down was very uncomfortable. When I arrived I drop my laptop off in the empty office I always use and make my rounds to say hello to everyone. As I was talking with one of the mangers I felt the sudden urge to use the bathroom - instead I headed back to get my laptop booted up so I can get some stuff done. Can't hold it any longer - make my way to the bathroom.

My heart sank - I nearly threw up on myself......my liner was covered in blood! NO....this cannot be happening. What is going on? I try to collect myself as best as I can and make it back to the office where my stuff is. I immediately call my RE's office and through the tears I tell them about all the blood....so much blood. I then call hubs and tell him and ask that he please cancel his lunch plans as I need him to be with me.

I sat waiting for them to call back. Nothing. I couldn't stop shaking in fear that I was in fact losing this pregnancy while I was sitting at someones desk. I just stared at my screen, not being able to move or do anything. Finally, I decided to call the main number. The woman that answered informed me the nurses are all doing clinical so they might not answer. I burst into tears and tell her this is an emergency and explain what is going on. I could hear the sorrow in her voice as she tells me she will go grab someone. Nurse Susan gets on the phone and informs me she was just picking up to call me back - asks if I'm still bleeding and if I'm still cramping, to which I answer yes to both questions. Told me she would call me right back with a time to come in for an ultra sound. At that point I was done, my mind was gone. Got the call to be there for 1:00 and then to head up to their office to discuss the results.

I couldn't sit at work anymore. I packed everything up and by the time I made it to my car I went in to complete meltdown. Why is this happening? What went wrong? I cried the whole way home. As I approached my house I could see hubs outside waiting with Bug. All I wanted to do was scoop her up and hug her. Told her that mommy needed lots of love today.

During the time that we spent at home waiting until it was time to leave for the ultrasound, I spent most of that time in the bathroom. I cried, I tried to collect myself, I was confused, I was angry and I was convinced I had lost this pregnancy.

We get to the hospital and didn't have to wait too long. I tried everything in my power to not break down into tears, but when the nurse was explaining what I needed to do: put two gowns on, put your stuff in the locker, take the key, I lost it again. I couldn't even look at her. I then am shuttled to the waiting lounge for the patients and within a few minutes I am being called back. The nurse asked me if I was nervous....what gave it away, my blood shot/swollen eyes?

She gears me up for the ultrasound and I didn't even want to look at the screen - I kept trying to turn my head to see Bug. When she told us she would have to do an internal to get more detail I knew, I knew at that moment there was nothing. We were told we had to wait for the Radiologist before she could perform the internal. At this point Bug had had enough....she was tired and sick and little did she know she was going to the doctor's herself next.

We get word that he is finally there and she begins the internal. She looks around and isn't saying anything. Then she says, there is the sac. I asked what that meant, but nothing. No response. To me that equaled you lost the pregnancy. In walks the Radiologist and what came out of his mouth next, neither Hubs nor I expected.....all looks great. The yolk sac has a great ring that we look for at this stage so nothing to worry about.

So we are okay? We are okay? and with his quick wit charm tells me that WE are okay and asked if I was worried? Well yes sir, I was. The amount of blood and clots that I saw there was no way I was still pregnant. He continued to show me where a hematoma was and that was causing all the bleeding but it should be stopping within a day or 2 due to the size that was left.

Get the go ahead to head up to our RE's office and within minutes of us being in there Nurse Nancy came out and just gave me two thumbs up and told me I was measuring a day ahead. When I asked her why all the bleeding she just said it happens. Well don't you think we go through enough shit we don't need to have this happen?!?!?! She smiled and told me that if I needed to come back next week for another scan, just call. I am hoping that I won't and will make it until my scheduled one.

Hubs and I make it back out to the car...as we are nearing it he looks at me and goes: and you were worried for nothing, see, with his shit eating smile on!

Beta #3

I've been delayed with writing about the 3rd Beta.

Bug and I had to make a trip to the RE's office Saturday morning - I was hoping I could get in early enough that I wouldn't have to take her, since Hubs works, but that wasn't the case. I always feel awkward bringing her into the office - I never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or hurt their feelings by 'showing' off my child.....as they sit there and wait to find out if they can have one of their own.

We were pretty lucky and had one couple in the waiting room and they both just smiled at her - you could see the hope in their eyes. I hope their dreams come true!

I get called back by Nurse Personality. At first she looked annoyed that I had Bug with me, but I just ignored it. Sit down and Bug's face begins to change....oh shit, please don't freak out. You could see her white knuckling the tray on the stroller - like she's going to have to get a shot or something. Then Nurse Personality starts to lighten up a bit and tells her that it's okay, it's not for you. It's Mommy's turn for the needle. Turn??? Please, I've been having 'turns' with needles for longer than I care to remember!

Blood sucked out and we are back on the road - knowing I have to race back since I wasn't sure what time my parents would be arriving.

Get our morning started and I can't help but check my phone - constantly. Part of me knew that as soon as my parents were to arrive, that is when I would get the call. And whatta know.....no sooner did my dad sit on the couch the call came in. It took every ounce of strength not to leap across the room to grab my phone to answer. Instead I used the lame excuse of having to get shoes that were upstairs for them to bring home for niece.

Being o so stealth like, I grab my phone and head upstairs to listen to the voicemail.

Your pregnancy level has risen to 795. Keep taking your medication and we have you scheduled for an ultrasound on 9/25.

Today is going to be a good day.

Beta #2

Sitting in the RE's waiting room will never be comfortable - too many things rush through your head. My stomach was in knots, like this was my first time. My heart was racing. I just had this feeling that it wasn't going to be a good day.

Nurse Nancy called me back to the blood sucking room and asked if I was nervous. I of course was and she told me she was nervous for me too....then asked me if that was bad. My first reaction was of course not, it means you care for your patients, then thinking about it, my stomach got even worse. Why was she nervous? What does she know that I don't?
She told me that she would call in a couple hours and she hopes it's with good news - me too.....me too Nurse Nancy.

I get in to the office and begin my day. Hubs called, as he normally does, on his way in to tell me about the morning. About 20 minutes of being in my office 'that number' comes across my phone. I didn't want to answer, but I also couldn't resist.

It was Nurse Nancy (thank God because at least I know she shows emotions) - I asked how she was and she said she was fine and so was I, that my number was 2......that's all I heard. I was so overwhelmed with how high the number had jumped that I didn't hear the rest. She told me to keep taking my meds and to come in Saturday for one last blood draw and then they will call to schedule u/s. I had to ask her again what the number was and admit I didn't really listen - 267! My levels had a doubling time of 25 hours!

Thank you Jesus!

Now just keep growing little bean!!!!!!!!!

POAS Addict!

Those little bastards need a warning label on them - Warning: if you are currently in the middle of a IVF cycle, you are only allowed to purchase 3 tests.

I had purchased a box of these devil pee sticks and told myself I would wait to as close as my Beta as possible before I use them. HA, that's a joke. It was Day 4 - which I clearly know is TOO soon to test, but had to get that urge out of my system. As I predicted stark white, which was okay.

Spent the following day at my parents house - since it was going to be gorgeous out the last thing I wanted to do was be stuck indoors cleaning and doing laundry. By the time I got home I felt the itch again...I could hear them calling me...so of course, I did.

Hello ladies and gentlemen we have a faint line! I was in shock! With Bug I didn't get a positive until Day 7. I couldn't wait for hubs to get home and of course,he was running late. I was getting ready to do the dreaded PIO when I heard him pull into the driveway. I handed Bug the pee stick (cleaned of course) and she walked right over to him. He looked at it, then me and goes: so it's negative? UM NO........squint your eyes and you will see it! He finally saw it and was thrilled.

Beta was Tuesday and I felt pretty good going in. Shortly after I arrived at work 'that number' was calling. It was a nurse I have never dealt with and hope I never have to. She told me my number was 73, that I was pregnant, that it was a good number (even though she told me after I asked that they like to see it around 100 at this point), to continue my meds and to come back in Thursday for second Beta. End of conversation. No congratulations - no excitement in her voice - just cold. So of course my heart sank a little, but after speaking with my girls and meeting with Dr. Google - 73 is a really good number for being tested 8dp5dt.

I continued with my addiction until this morning......I quit cold turkey :) The line is as dark as it's going to get so now all I can do is pray my numbers keep doubling.