To breastfeed or not to breastfeed.....that is the question

Lately this seems to be the topic of conversation....might have something to do with this image

Shortly after we landed in the 'safe zone' of our pregnancy (let's face it, that place really does not exist especially if you are an infertilet) I wondered if I would be breastfeed, would it work for me, would I produce enough for my child....the only thing I kept saying is I will try - good old College Motto...really it is, Norwich University: I Will Try. 

After birth I was shocked at how quickly she latched and I thought...huh, what is all the fuss about this being hard....fast forward probably 24 hours to a screaming newborn, sleep deprived new mom and a nurse man handling my boob to try to get my daughter to eat. It wasn't working. I was failing. I couldn't do this. These were my thoughts - I broke down. The nurses are there to help you, support you, take care of you.....but some made me feel horrible that I couldn't feed my own child. They did everything they could think of before mentioning the word formula. Through blood shot, swollen teary eyes I said my daughter has to eat, if it's formula, then it's formula.

Why is formula so frowned upon? Kids from the 60's,70's, 80's were all pretty much formula fed babies and they all turned out just fine....hell I was a formula fed baby and I'm good! There is so much pressure on women to make sure they breastfeed their babies that it becomes too much. People need to realize it is a choice, some women are not fortunate enough to be able to produce for their babies, they have a difficult time with it. Do I think the women that try give up too soon??? Probably. It's hard. It's frustrating. It's heartbreaking. I ended up solely pumping because my daughter would become 'hangry' but would breastfeed if she needed to be topped off. Once I stopped pumping (for my own reasons) and we ran out of frozen milk, she was on straight up, good old formula. And guess what, she's good.....happy, healthy, fat formula fed faced baby.

To the women that breastfeed - more power to you....and more pennies in your pocket! To the women that don't....no worries, you only get dirty looks from the breastfeeding Nazi's once in a while ;)

*please note that last comment was meant as a joke.....there are some sensitive peeps out there!

Help Wanted

Looking for an extra set of hands - must be available between the hours of 4 pm -10 pm - must be willing to change blow out diapers, change diaper genie (or shit sausage as it is called in our home), put dishes in dishwasher, take out recycles, wash 500 pieces that belong to Dr. Brown Bottles.
Interested applicants please send resume to mommyneedshelp@goingcrazy.com

This help wanted ad could go on and on forever.

I finally broke down and looked at the hubs the other night and said, "I just need help." Within 10 minutes of me saying this I hear dishes being dropped in to the sink. As I place my head in my hands the only thing I can muster up is, 'DISHWASHER'.



This then led into a conversation of who does what in a friendly manner....you can imagine who won. It is not about who does what more, it's just that with his work schedule he is never really home to help out....which leads to an even more found respect for single parents....when he is home I still feel that I'm doing it all.
Yes I am the mother and that is the 'known' role - which I love said role, but once in a while it's nice not to have to lie about having to go to the bathroom just so I can have 5 minutes of alone/quiet time.

Love - Hate Relationship with Dr. Brown

This is how I feel towards these bottles! The crazy contraptions that they are....still not sure how the whole thing works, but it does it's job! We started off using the Avent bottles but since my daughter couldn't seem to get food down her gullet fast enough, she was having issues with them. Then I went and bought a 3 pack of the lovely Dr. Brown's.....heaven! Feeding was not spent listening to her choke because she was gulping too fast or crying because I had to keeping taking the bottle away! Again, Heaven!

The hate part of my relationship with these bottles....well, see for yourself:

I HATE washing these things - with a passion mind you. I was so good in the beginning about washing them right after each feeding....because that is what new mom's do, they stay on top of their shit to prove some kind of point that you are super woman and you can do it all. Now, well you can see they pile up in my sink until she's done eating for the day (this is a combination of her morning bottle, bottles from daycare and her night feedings and possibly one from the night before). I stood at the sink last night and just stared at them. Stared at all the pieces that I was too tired to wash - looked at the dishwasher and then back again. Knew the dishwasher wasn't an option as I needed to have 4 bottles ready to go for daycare the next day.....I have an issue with running the dishwasher with very few things in it.

I'm over them - all of their pieces - the blue tubes that they give you this elf sized brush to clean the inside - just straight up O.V.E.R. them!

Post Baby Bodies

This seems to be making headlines all over lately - this woman posting her AMAZING body 4 days after giving birth. Am I jealous that she looks like I did when I worked out 5 days a week for 2 hours a day and ate clean - you bet your squishy ass I am....but good for her. Who cares if she's posting a selfie (god I hate that term) of how great she looks.
Society has become so nasty when it comes to stuff like this. I wonder how people would react if someone posted a picture of their flabby belly and cellulite legs with the same caption. Everyone would be up in arms saying how gross that is to post a picture like that. Bottom line world, you can't win no matter what you do...so keep doing you and post your selfies (why does this word make my skin crawl?????)

While on the topic of working out - I have made a promise to myself that I will get back in to my routine Thursday - Sunday. These are the only days that my husband is home early enough at night to help with the baby.....guess who hasn't lived up to her promise and sat on the couch eating Doritos last night.....this girl! I won't beat myself up about it, I won't torture myself by depriving my body of what I'm craving. I've been down that road and I'm all set about visiting it again. I don't want to be that girl, especially now with the holidays, drooling over the display case at the bakery....um excuse me miss you are creating a giant saliva puddle, would you mind excusing yourself!

One year

One year ago today I spent my morning pacing the house praying my phone would not ring. One year ago today hubs and I drove into Boston for another round of transfer. One year ago today we sat, waiting, wondering how many eggs tested normal. One year ago today our little girl made it and changed our lives forever.

Every year before my family begins Thanksgiving dinner we go around the table saying what we are thankful for. As my sister and I were raising our wine glasses towards each other's end of the table I shouted I'm thankful for Malbec and being able to enjoy it this year (joking of course) and that prompted me to start it off.

"I am thankful for my family, my new family (looking at my daughter), and for science." 

I am thankful that we had the strength and courage to journey down this road - I am thankful of my second family of IVF Mafia girls - I am thankful for the support of the women on the forum.

It's amazing how fast this past year went when looking back. All the doctor's appointments with the blood suckers/Wanda the wand/etc, all the shots, all the emotional roller coaster rides I had a free ticket for.....worth every single moment and would not think for a second about not going through it again.

First few weeks home

Everyone tells you to accept all the help you can with newborns once you arrive at home. I had already prepped my mother to spend the week with us once hubs went back to work so I thought that would be a ton of help....and it was, don't get me wrong, but her plan was for me to catch up on sleep while she was there. Yeah didn't work out so well. By the time I pumped it was time to eat, by the time she was done eating it was time to pump again - I have now since pushed my pumping hours back from every 3 to now every 4-5.
The first week home with hubs didn't seem too bad. I thought I got this, no problem. The second week was eh a little harder. Week 3......was my breakdown week. I was sobbing on the couch with a screaming infant on my chest when hubs came down to see if we were okay. I couldn't control the tears. He hugged me and told me I'm doing a great job and asked if I wanted him to take over. As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew he had a long day ahead of him so I said no and told him to go back to bed. We had two nights in a row like this - needed to figure something out. I thought I would change her bottles to Dr. Browns and THANK YOU JESUS that has seemed to help.
We are still trying to get our routine/schedule down - she'll have two days in a row where she's awake most of the day so I will get a good 5-6 hours out of her at night and then we have a sleepy day where I know it's going to be a long night (cue last night!)
All the tears and frustrations go away the moment she looks in my eyes and smiles - she gave me a big one this morning and it melted my heart! Love this little girl so much!

Amelia Has Arrived!!!!!!

Wow it's been a while since I've been able to blog and I missed it - okay here's what everyone has missed:
  Hubs and I had an u/s appointment on Thursday August 15th - I was not feeling right at all at work (to the point I was walking off a contraction and didn't say hello to the owner and he basically lectured me on how we say hello here....I'm sorry SIR, but my uterus is in so much pain that I want to cry) I politely smiled and said good morning and continued to walk out of the main office. It came time for me to leave for the doctor's and I said today was going to be my last day in the office, that I would be working from home the next day (my official last day).
Left work and went to pick up Hubs - I started to walk towards my Jeep that had all our bags and such ready but he insisted we take his car so when we get back he can drop me off in the employee lot and no one would see him to bother him (downside of being the boss). I was hesitant but went along with it.
We go to the hospital a little early so we went to the café to grab a salad to tide us over until we were done. Get to our appointment and we are brought right in - we laughed at how we couldn't tell what the heck they were looking at anymore because she was so crammed. The tech said the doctor would be in to review everything. In comes the 12 year old looking doctor and she beings to scan my stomach and said something that neither one of us expected to hear: We are gonna call it a day. I asked what she meant by that and she said we were going to have a baby! The fluid was low and she wasn't comfortable with it - left the room to call the OB office to send me up to get examined. As soon as the door shut I burst into tears - I had such a fear rush over me that I wasn't expecting. Hubs said everything will be okay and we should have expected this based on our last appointment (we were told we might be admitted if my BP was still elevated).
As we head upstairs to the OB's office I can see the nervousness set in with the hubs - it was really kinda cute how he was excited and anxious all at the same time :) We get to the office and I was only 1 cm but 100% effaced so we would only have to have Pitocin. Off to L&D we went to get hooked up to monitor and have blood work done (BP was still elevated) all of that came back normal and bug was doing just fine. The nurse told us we could either wait for a room or come back first thing in the morning. I thought about just going home so we could get all of our stuff but then agreed that what ever was the safest we'll do....she told me that was the right answer. Sent us to the coffee shop to get some food and we called the family. I had to laugh because my  mother asked that we not have this all go down at 4:00 as they will be stuck in horrible traffic (they were coming from CT) well guess what time we called :) HA HA
Inhaled a cheeseburger and fries and we headed back up to be admitted - by the time we got to the room and had Pitocin it was about 5:00 and my parents were there by 5:30 (lucky for them there was zero traffic). The rest of the family came and hubs family came around 8....I held out until 9ish before I was asking for the BEST DRUG EVER INVENTED - epidural! I was getting annoyed with my sisters when they kept asking why I was waiting so long to get it - honestly the contractions were tolerable so I figured why not just wait until I can't deal with it anymore....that and it was nothing compared to the pain I experienced from my surgery 3+ years ago!
Family was kicked out of the room and hubs and I got some sleep....okay well hubs got some sleep. It was about 3:30 am when the doctor decided to check to see how far along I was - 9.5 cm....it was time to get ready to push! I was competing with another woman in the next room to see who could deliver first (yes I'm that competitive.....hey it was her 3rd, my 1st). We had to have the other on call doctor deliver since the other one was in another room - he walked in and looked around and asked, what do you need me to do? I remember picking my head up and looking at him like he was crazy! But he was awesome! The nurse that I had was amazing as well - asked if it was okay if hubs looked down at my lady bits while I was pushing and at that point I didn't care - originally I told him he was NOT to go past my shoulders....but I'm glad he was able to see the birth of our daughter.
I started to push at 3:45 am (with Pulp Fiction on the television - haha) and by 5:06 am Amelia Veriss was laying on my chest! As I had asked my angels upstairs to give me the strength to keep pushing, one of the nurses told me to open my eyes and I saw her coming out. It truly was the best moment of my life.
Here are some pictures from delivery to 2 weeks:

Next post.....first few weeks at home.

Looking back

As our due date is quickly approaching.....1 week and 2 days (but totally not counting) I wanted to look back and read my old posts. It still amazes me what we've been through on this journey and how far we've come. When reading the posts I remember exactly how I felt when I was writing each one - all the fears, the excitement, the tears. Life sure is one giant journey and I'm glad I followed the advice to blog about it.
The support family you find once you enter Infertility Land is something that you would never expect. The love, cheers, sadness you feel for everyone is so amazing - I know I've said this before, but I really am not sure how I would have gotten through all of this without each and every one of them, especially my Mafia IVFers!

This week I have been feeling blah - looking forward to my last day in a week (if not sooner, fingers crossed). I'm just tired of hearing: You are still here? You are still pregnant? You look so tired. Oh your ankles, they look like they hurt so bad. I try very hard to be as polite as I can with my response, but it's usually just a smile and a nod.

Come on people, honestly?????? What the hell is wrong with you to think that making these statements to a 9 month pregnant lady is okay?

The best is when you start to get advice to induce labor - I don't give a rats ass what you did when you were pregnant to make labor come on. You have NO clue what I've done to get pregnant so I'm gonna let mother nature takes it's course with this one and actually have one thing, hopefully, go 'normal'.

Not the first granddaughter

Well bug held the prize for a while, but Monday morning at 8:26 am my brother and his wife welcomed a beautiful baby girl to the family! Miss Sydney Rose was 8 lbs 10 oz and 21.5 inches long! She is so precious.

My family all got the call to stand by the phones on Sunday as my SIL was headed to hospital. Since I had been up since 1:30 that morning I told my mom that I was going to try to nap in case I had to drive down later that night.....then the text messages start, phone keeps ringing. I'm sorry but what part of I'm going to try to nap did you all not understand! But she was sent home, poor thing!

Monday morning I was up at 12:30 with some serious BH and was able to get back to sleep around 1:30 only to be woken up at 2:00 with the call to get to the hospital. I just laid there wanting to cry because I was so overly tired and the thought of driving to Worcester at that time just didn't sit well with me. I woke up hubs and told him I had to leave. He wanted no part of me being in a car, at that time of night, on minimal sleep, being 9 months preggo. Thankfully my sister met me off the highway on her way down and we followed each other and talked on the phones the whole way to keep each other awake. Made it to the hospital just before 4:00 and they were giving her fluids before she could get epidural - this made me happy since she felt so strongly about going o'natural! ;) Love how she was trying but lasted a hot minute before she was asking for the drugs!

My brother sent a text saying they were prepping the room for her to start to push right before 8:00 - this is when we all started to bet to see how long it would be. By 9:30 we got another text asking how the anticipation was in the waiting room....ugh you little shit bag! By 9:50 he was standing in the doorway announcing the birth of his baby girl! Mom only pushed for about 30 minutes! How sweet is that!

Sydney checking out her new 'favorite' aunt (kept telling her that so she'll have to believe it)

Amelia and Sydney meeting each other

What made me giggle was every time I held her my bug kept kicking - so either she was saying hello or she was saying get away from my mommy! 

Being there made me so excited to get to meet our little girl. I can't believe it's right around the corner!

Laboring cream cheese????

WTF? I thought I heard it all until yesterday. My SIL is now officially past her due date and is showing no signs of this baby coming any time soon. My mother was keeping the family updated and then sent out one of her confusing emails that takes 5 people to try to translate about going to Worcester to get the baby cream cheese. WHAT????????? There is a place in Worcester MA that sells cream cheese that is supposed to cause labor.
STILL don't believe me....here's the link: http://ericslapatisserie.com/radio.html

Not sure if they went and got it for her but I can honestly say I think I have heard it all now! Cream cheese...really????????

Tomorrow is our 36 week appointment and bugs last photo shoot. Dreading stepping on the scale and seeing how much more weight I've gained the past 2 weeks! I know, I know, I'm pregnant and supposed to be putting on weight but it's hard for me. I've never been 'heavy'...well minus college when I was chunka face from the mass amounts of beer I consumed ;) but honestly I have never gone over 140/145 (I'm 5'9"). I struggled with an eating disorder back when I was 19 - had to make sure that I had no time to eat, which was easy since it was the summer. This was my day, every day: got up, went to work, after work went to work out, went tanning (yes in the summer), went to high school track to do sprints, got home, showered, went out for the night. Thankfully it didn't last long and I smartened up! Jump ahead 5 or so years I start to date my ex - who was 6'2" 220 lbs of solid muscle. At that time he owned a health food store so of course he's going to be in perfect shape. I begin to work out with him and get back into my old habits....then stop. I know it's not a pretty road so I alter my eating habits and just eat clean. I had gotten down to about 115 lbs during the time we were together (4 years) granted I thought I looked great because I was lean and had defined muscles that I never knew existed. Looking back after we broke up I knew I was too skinny and it wasn't healthy! Oh and I forgot to mention Mr. Health Nut who wouldn't allow milk in the house because it had fat in it was on the juice! Yeah that's good for business!

That brings me to today and me having distorted body image issues. For example: Kate....how on EARTH was she carrying an 8lb baby looking the way she did...amazing! Then seeing her the day after she just gave birth...come on! Part of me thought for a second there is no way she was really pregnant/gave birth - no one ever looks that good! See...I have issues! HA HA

I am not starving myself or my child....TRUST me, no worries there. Just having a very difficult time with the way I look.....in the end is it worth it, absolutely....will I be back to working out as soon as the doc gives me the okay, you can bet your ass I will be ;)

Well that stung a little.....

No, I'm not referring to a bee sting. I'm referring to finding out that one of my best friends is 16 weeks pregnant and has kept it from us for a few reasons: 1 - she wanted to surprise us when she came out at the end of August and 2 - she didn't want to be considered and insenstive asshole and take away from my pregnancy. Now, as much as I appreciate her thinking about my feelings I told her that I was a little mad she hasn't said anything. As happy as I am for her and her husband, it did sting a bit when she told me. I mean her daughter isn't even a year old yet! She kept on telling me she didn't want to tell me because of how hard it was for hubs and I and didn't want to upset me. Listen, I'm not a China Doll - if I haven't broken already with everything that has happened over the past, shit, almost 4 years now, I think I'm good. Will I have days where I ask why, sure will. Will I have days that I ask what did I do, absolutley - but I will not break. I will have my 'moment' and move on.

When hubs called on his way home from work I had to tell him - he was just as shocked as I was. When I told him that it did sting a bit he asked me why and then quickly figured it out and said it does suck that some people can get pregnant easily but we got this, we know what the problem is and we will keep moving forward.

It's hard for me to not be envious/jealous of the fertiles - even if I am pregnant - I have so many people that I have met that struggle daily that I just wish they can get their dreams handed to them.....to start their very own family! 

Spoiled rotten already

This little girl of mine is already spoiled rotten. I had my shower this past Saturday and as I was dreading the days leading up to it, dreading the time before the guests showed up, it turned out to be such an amazing day. I was trapped upstairs as my mom wanted the decorations to be a surprise....not that I don't have windows upstairs that I could peek out of....I only cheated a few times ;)
My family went over and beyond what anyone could have asked for....was hoping my mother would have uploaded her pics so I could share in her details/decorations but she hasn't gotten there yet.
The day weather wise was great - got a little hot once the clouds broke but couldn't have asked for a nicer day. When hubs got home from work he went inside and saw all the stuff in the dining room and then the office - looked at me and goes, 'Holy Shit! Where is all this stuff going?' I started to laugh. Yesterday I was determined to get everything organized and cleaned up a bit. Did pretty well I think and will begin to wash the ridiculous amounts of clothes she has tonight.
Probably one, well yes one of the best gifts....a giant basket FILLED with clothes and a pair of sneakers attached to handle all from my dad. My mom had been telling me that when they go shopping he walks away and comes back with his own bags of stuff for Amelia....it was cute that he did that.
My second favorite gift: was a doll house from my middle sister. When we were growing up my two older sisters got custom wooden doll houses (you know the fancy pants ones that you can paint/has electricity/etc) well I never got one for whatever reason...not that I'm holding a grudge still ;) Her card was what sent me over the edge. Started off my saying that Amelia will be the closest thing to a daughter she will have and wanted to pass down the doll house. She is the one that was always known as the 'strong' sister but in her card she told me that she couldn't have been more proud of my strength and determination through everything the past few years and that I was so much stronger than her.
As everyone was getting ready to leave, I hugged my mom so tight and couldn't thank her enough for everything she did for me that day. She held my face and said no, thank you for jumping in feet first and never giving up hope to let us have this day.

Am I ready?

Sure this question has popped into my head from time to time over the past 32 weeks, but it REALLY hit me when hubs and I were in our birthing class this weekend. Let's first start off that I thought the class started at 9.....yeah no, it started at 8 so we were about 40 minutes late. Oops! Hubs teased me and told me the baby is sucking my brain because I'm never wrong about times and being places. Good news is we didn't miss too much. Sitting through the class we learned a lot and both were very happy we decided to attend. After lunch it was time to tour the maternity floor. Now granted, I've already been to this floor for all 5 of my nephews births and have been in all the rooms so I thought it would be a breeze. That was until we were all standing in the L&D room. As she is explaining the steps of labor and how they get the bed ready for delivery I begin to panic. Am I ready for this? Can I do this? I just take deep breathes to calm myself down and say so many women have done this, you can too....Christ look what you've already been through in the past 3+ years! There was one husband in the group that actually asked if there was a place for the Husbands to go when the wife is in the L&D room. The midwife looked at him and then around the room and said, yup, right here. Told him they have cots that go in the rooms for the husbands to sleep on. I honestly would have been so embarrassed if hubs asked that questions! Do you really think you're gonna leave you're wife to go get some sleep elsewhere????
After the class we went to this one pub that has the BEST wings and started talking about the class. Hubs was funny in telling me things he never knew and that he's glad she told us not to panic and drive like a mad man when labor starts (we were told average labor for first child is 20 hours....awesome!). I told him that I started to panic when we were in the L&D room and said I wasn't sure I was ready or could do this. He looked me in the eyes and told me that I could. He knows how strong of a woman I am and that we've overcome so much worse in our marriage that this will be a breeze. Breeze....yeah probably not so much a breeze, but I got his point :)
When we got home all I wanted to do was take a little nap, knowing we'd be out late watching the Bruins game, but the neighbor's had a different plan for me. As we pull into the driveway we notice a band, that's right a band playing in one of their yards. I wanted to cry! Luckily I was able to get a good 45 minutes in before we headed back on the road to go see hubs family.
While we were driving hubs kept telling me about all the stuff he read in the book we got from the class. It made me smile that he seemed so into this now. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he was ignoring the situation of us having a baby, I just think he was scared of what was happening and not knowing what was going on. His mood/mindset has completely changed and it makes me so very happy. He touches my belly more, gives me kisses more (we are not the lovey dovey couple) and just makes me feel good about myself. Lately I've been feeling pretty gross. Perfect example was last night while I was getting ready to clean up after dinner he wanted to make sure I could carry both plates...yup got it. Then he jumped up and said he didn't want me lifting the garbage bag so he came in to help me. Normally he could have cared less and just let me do my thing in the kitchen - he knows how I get when I'm cleaning - so it was nice to see him be this way.
Now, let's see how long this will last ;)
So....am I ready? No, I'm not and I don't think any woman really is. I do know that whatever is thrown at us over the course of the next 8 weeks/delivery, I will be able to handle because I will have the greatest man next to me telling me I can do this.

What do you miss?

This seems to be one of the millions of questions people ask me throughout this pregnancy. What do I miss? There are plenty of things I miss.....certain foods, coffee, diet coke, glass of wine, iced cold beer (since it's summer and all!) but the one thing I really miss.....my shoes! Yes I'm that girl that loves her shoes and not afraid to admit it out loud.

Hello my name is Kelly and.......

Hubs and I just recently spent the night at Mohegan's for his 40th birthday and to give ourselves a night away from everything and everyone. I wanted to look nice so I packed one of my favorite pair of wedges....let's just say I made it down to dinner and right after back to the room to put my flip flops on. Normally I would not mind having to wear flip flops every day, but when there is such a wide variety of fun shoes to wear (hubs loves to remind me of how many there are) you kinda miss wearing them - plus your legs get a nice workout ;) So that, my friends is what I miss the most! HA!

In other news...I have recently started my new schedule at work due to the scare at L&D two weeks back. I work half days in the office and half days at home. Have to admit, LOVE it! I'm in by 6:30 and out by 11:30 - home by noon. It helps with the chores too as I do a little bit here and there during the week so I'm not doing it all over the weekend. 

We have our 30 week u/s tomorrow and can't WAIT to see our little bug! She better cooperate and give us some good shots. Her latest thing is she likes to stick something out to make the top of my stomach buldge out so I am curious to find out how she is positioned. Tomorrow should be a good day!!!

First visit to L&D

I never thought I would have to go there before (a) the scheduled tour or (b) before it was time. Last week was a little rough for me - started to have cramps and got worried so I called the nurses line and she told me to rest and monitor them, if they get worse to call back. I just went home and laid on the couch and rested, seemed to have worked. The next day the same thing but this time my back was involved which freaked me out a little more - left work early and called the nurses line again. No sooner was I through my door were they calling me telling me they want me to go to Labor and Delivery to make sure I was not in pre-term labor. Hung up with them and called the hubs.
I couldn't control the tears no matter how hard I tried to shake them off - they just started to flow. I wasn't ready, it's not her time to come home yet, she still has weeks to bake. As he's trying to calm me down and tell me that things are going to be okay I just paced around my bedroom looking for something to wear...because it's really THAT important when you go to L&D....yoga pants and t-shirt and I'm back in the car.
My family knew where I was headed - after the last time with my surgery I've learned NOT to hide anything medical related. My oldest sister called me and kept me on the phone while I was heading to hospital. As I got off the exit I stopped her mid-sentence and thanked her for keeping my mind occupied with other topics. She told me she loved me very much and to text her as soon as I know what is going on.
Up to the 5th floor I go - checked me right in and brought me to the 'waiting' area for a nurse to come and get me. I would say I was waiting for a good 30 minutes just shaking sitting there before someone finally came down to get me - apologized telling me they were so busy, which is understandable. They had me pee in a cup so they could do an analysis and then hooked me up to heart rate monitor for the baby and contraction monitor. As the nurse was asking questions and typing away I could feel another 'cramp' coming on....when she was all done she looked at the paper coming out of the machine and said, "oh you had one while I was typing. Did you feel that?" Um sure did lady, hence me being here. She was wonderful though - left me and when she came back to check she brought me more water and checked the papers again.
I kept looking at the monitor each time it happened and counted 6 total while I was there - but looking at the other screens (you can see everyone that is hooked up which is neat) some of these women's lines were pretty intense.....ouch!
After being hooked up for almost an hour she told me that I was going to go see the on call doctor as he wanted to make sure everything was okay - that the 'contractions' were not on top of each other so I should be sent home after seeing him....fingers crossed right? I was led down  the secret way the doctor's use to get from L&D to office and check in. Didn't have to wait too long since it was much later in the day. After meeting the doctor and being checked I was given good news - cervix is still closed! PHEW! Told me that I needed to rest the remainder of the week and exercising has been taken off the table.
By Thursday afternoon I was so bored - mind you it was Wednesday when this all happened :) But I did as the doctor ordered and rested. Everything seemed to have calmed down which made me feel much better. Until this morning :( Not sure if it was because I was walking around a lot yesterday or what the story is - so now I'm just keeping track of when they come and PRAY that I do not have to go back to L&D!
The past few days I just keep thinking why can nothing be easy? With everything we've done and been through to get to where we are today, one would think you'd be allowed an easy pregnancy, right? Well that's not the case with me and many other women out there....although there are some lucky ones ;)
The plus side is I spoke to my boss and one of the big bosses yesterday about working half days in the office and half days at home and they are both really cool about that - just need to speak to the owner and make sure he's good with it as well. Hoping to have that conversation today.

How are you feeling?

Pretty sure if I could drink during pregnancy I would absolutely make this into a drinking game! Before 9:00 this morning I have been asked at least a dozen times - I am thankful they care enough to ask, but in the back of my head I wonder, do they really care how I'm feeling?
I also give the same answer - I feel good, because I'm sure they don't want to hear the other answers I have on some days....oh the feel alright, just having a little pressure in my who ha......you know stuff like that. Mind you I work in a male dominated industry so that might make them run for the hills :) hmmm....maybe that's not a bad idea! The best was yesterday when one of the guys looked at me and goes, "Wow, you popped". Politely say, I sure did, almost 7 months along, gonna happen.....in my head I have other choice words! :)
I do hate complaining about not feeling well because of everything we had to do to get to this point and all the amazing women I've met who are still going through all of this. So most days I just keep it inside and put a smile on and carry on about my day. Last night though, hubs knew how uncomfortable I was as soon as he got home. It was hotter than Haiti upstairs in our bedroom, he quickly went back downstairs to turn on the central ac....and thank goodness it worked! I was laying like a starfish at one point trying to capture all the cool spots on the bed!
Gearing up for back to back baby showers starting this weekend - then it's glucose test time next Friday! I pray that I pass!
On top of all of this - hubs turns 40 in a few weeks so we are having a party for him. No surprise, thank goodness - he wanted to make sure of that and made sure if there was one, payback is not fun! SO my surprise gift to him is taking him to Mohegan Sun for the night.....just pray he isn't too hung over the next day - will make a for a very long car ride :)

Week 17 - Week 25

Thought this was fun to see the progression really starting to show

3 more months

I still cannot believe it! We've been through so much over the last 3 + years that it's finally hitting home that in 3 more months we will be a family of three! I still wake up wondering if this has all been a dream or not. I still check the toilet paper in fear of blood. I still count my blessings every single day that so far we are all still okay.
My goal was to have her nursery done by the time we hit the third trimester - a little over two more weeks to go and it's not looking promising! Her crib was delivered the other week and I LOVE it! Cannot wait to get her mattress from my parents this weekend (early shower gift) so I can put the bedding in and see how it all looks. The changing table keeps getting pushed back for delivery which is making me angry but nothing I can really do about it, right? Hubs will work on the closet tomorrow when he's home and hopefully that will be done by the time I get home. Still need to find a rug and a few more things for the walls....I guess I'm not in that bad of a shape to have it finished.
At our last OB appointment I wanted to speak to her about my back - holy hell does it hurt! I have sciatica and it's no joke! I've dealt with it on my right side since high school off and on - but every day to the point where my leg gives out is pretty scary! She suggested a chiropractor, which I've been to plenty of those appointments, but something about getting snapped while being preggos just doesn't sit well with me. Yes I know they are trained to move you differently while you are pregnant, but still. Doc told me it's only going to get worse - Thank you for that! Bottom line - put your big girl pants on and suck it up!
Weight is not a concern to her as she said I'm all belly - but I refuse to look at the scale when I go now. Our next appointment is the glucose test one! I'm lucky that they gave me the drink already - which I've told Hubs it is NOT orange soda so do not drink - will work from home that day so I can chug a lug and drive right in for the test and pray we pass!
Belly is really starting to pop - even though so many people have told me I'm so tiny for being 6 months along - I DO NOT feel tiny. Every night I lay in bed and just watch her move around - the other night when Hubs got home he walked into the room and when he looked at me he said, 'wow you really look pregnant now' :) I think it's starting to hit him too that very soon he's going to be a dad. He was joking with me the other night that he wasn't sure he really signed up for this.....had to remind him that he was the one that did leave the 'sample' for me numerous of times during all of our treatments, so yes, you surely did sign up for a kid!

Too close to home.....

With all the events that are happening in Boston I just can't wrap my head around any of it. On Marathon Monday, a day that is supposed to be full of support/cheers/happiness, was quickly taken away. I had so many friends that were down there/running that I couldn't focus on anything but to make sure they were all safe. Thankfully they all were. I couldn't stop watching the news - that was until I heard the first death announced was an 8 year old boy. I sat on my couch and started to ball. I thought of the father who lost his son, daughter lost a limb and his wife in extreme critical condition. I put my hand on my belly and said I'm sorry that the world is not the same that it was when I was younger and you are going to have to see all of this maddness growing up.
When the hubs and I were discussing it I said this person took all the hard work and dedication away from all of these people that were not even able to complete the race. They took away their carefree freedom when they are running, and they took away family/friends/loved ones!
I became angry that someone could do this - why? What point are you trying to prove? We are a strong city - we pull together - we will not let you tear us down - we will not let you see weakness - You will be found and you will pay.

Things people say

This is going to be a hodge podge of thoughts as it has been one of those weeks! Let's start off at the end of last week when the hubs sent me a text telling me friends of ours are pregnant...AGAIN!!!!!!!! Mind you they just celebrated their 2nd son's 1st birthday. As happy as I am for them I am then told this the following day: he said they just had sex once and bam she's pregnant. They weren't even trying. Really? Is that something you want to share with someone who's been struggling for years with infertility......I know no harm was meant because non-infertiles have zero clue when they speak, but come on! ONE TIME! What did you do, travel back in time to when you were in high school when getting pregant after having sex one time was a big scare.

Now on to this week. It's been one thing after another......I've been told I don't even look pregnant all the way to one woman telling me I look like I have a watermellon. Now, I don't know what it is but my whole body cringes when this one woman makes these comments. It's someone I work with and is literally the only one that has told me I look big! I don't even think I look big! Here I am at 21 weeks:

Granted it is a bit bigger by the end of the day, but really? Lock it up!

The other thing that I love is when I'm asked how I'm feeling, I am always reminded that it will only get worse. That I'm going to be miserable during the last 3 months because it's going to be the summer months. Hey, jack holes.....thanks for the kind words and for reminding me I'm going to be a hot mess towards the end of my pregnancy....but mine will go away - what's your excuse for looking like a hot mess on a daily basis? ;)

Enought of the rants.......

In other news......her room has been painted and I love how it came out! Furniture has been ordered and the crib will be here by the end of next week *fingers crossed* - changing table should be shortly after due to it being on backorder. She's been moving around like a mad woman - she's literally going to town right now and makes me laugh with each kick/punch - love it!

That's about all for now....

Happy Birthday To Me!

Leading up to this day I was a ball of nerves. Even though I would check on her every day to make sure her heartbeat was still strong, I still had that fear. Yesterday I pushed through work just watching the clock until it hit noon time to be able to head down for my first appointment. I was trying to engage the hubs in conversation while we waited to be called in but I think he was just so worried about work as there was only one manager in the building - so I think his fears were things were going to be a disaster by the time he got back ;)
Call us in and globs the ultrasound gel all over my belly - huge weight lighted off my chest......there she was moving around like a mad bug! Everything looked great and there was no cause for any concern. I asked if there was any chance to see her in 3D (figured it wouldn't hurt to ask). When she turned it on we both went....'oh, she doesn't look so cute' HAHAH but we were able to get a pretty neat profile picture

She still looks a little creepy but it's okay - she's perfect! Even with half of her head missing....hahaha the tech told us it was because she rotated the image to get the profile, her head is perfect :)  

The doctor was the next to come in with one of their new partners - they went through all the pictures and then took another look. She wanted to get a better picture of the 4 chambers but someone was being a punk - literally had her arms crossed across her chest! HA but she finally was able to get a good look and said heart is perfect.

I still can't get over how we went from having a ball of cells as her 'first' picture to this! Amazing!

Hands down - this was the best birthday gift ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Month of March

This month used to be full of excitement - spring was around the corner, St. Paddy's Day, my birthday..... Three years ago on March 16th our world was taken away from us - our little angel was sent up to watch over us. I always wonder if it was a boy or a girl, what they would be like now. I know people say you cannot live in the past, but this will always be something I will wonder and will cherish my little angel - always! The hubs gave me a necklace that Christmas that is an angel wing and I have yet to take it off!
Every year on March 25th I thank Dr. Mo......the man that saved my life. There will never be words to express my gratitude towards him and his staff, nurse Nazi (as I called her in the beginning) for pushing me to get out of the bed and walk in the hallway - even if it just started out by making it to the next room. The members of this hospital staff helped show me how strong of a person I truly am. That I can overcome some of the toughest obstacles the Big Guy has for me.  I think of how my whole family dropped everything and drove into Boston to sit and wait - wait for the outcome of my surgery. I am so truly blessed to have such an amazing family and thankful for each and every one of them! All of my friends who called, sent flowers, came to see me while I was in the hospital - again, one very lucky girl.

I will continue to show him my strength - each and every day, and this little girl that is growing inside of me will have the same strength and motto, "Put your big girl pants on and figure it out. You have no other choice."

This is what the month of March has turned in to for me.......remembering the horrible loss, nightmare emergency surgery, support of family and friends. I look in the mirror every day and say thank you

Progression of the bump

It wasn't until this weekend while I was sitting at a friends baby shower did it start to sink in......I'm finally going to be a mom! Just loved how happy she looked and excited she was with everything - I will admit, I am excited but still cautious. I will be cautious until the day she is in my arms - just one of those things I guess with my history - I cannot help that feeling. I do check on her daily with our doppler and got a little freaked out yesterday when I couldn't find her - but thankfully the little bug had moved from her normal spot and heartbeat was beating nice and strong!
It was fun to see some of the people's reactions when they found out - some of these people I haven't seen since Christmas! One girl was too cute and said she didn't want to ask in case she was wrong.....it's okay, this isn't a beer gut ;)
I am finally starting to feel like I'm beginning to look a little preggers - instead of just looking like I ate too much. Here is the progression of the bump so far:

Excited for our next ultra sound - 18 weeks - which happens to be scheduled on my birthday....
Happy Birthday to Me!

Family

Let's talk about family! I love mine dearly and wouldn't know how I would have gotten through some of these times without them. Then there are days where I look at the caller id and just don't want to pick up...knowing if I don't, they'll call back and ask where I was earlier....Oh just ignoring your call because I didn't want to listen to all the questions.... I say in my head!
My mother has been wanting to have Hubs' parents at our house for dinner for a while now so they can all celebrate the baby. Great idea, sure no problem. Well Friday was that day. It was that day that I REALLY missed my wine. REALLY missed it! I had to listen to both mother's go on and on about making sure I'm eating enough and eating the right things - not sure if they missed the 4 slices of pizza I shoved down my gullet or not, but pretty sure I'm eating enough. Am I making the best choices in food - trying my best but if I want to sit and eat a half a bag of Cheetos, I'm gonna do that....oh wait, that's what I did yesterday.
But this comment was what took the cake! For whatever reason my mother went to get soap from my shower (guess she didn't like my hand soap) and I later found my Dove body soap on the counter.....knowing how she is and how she was growing up (let's just say we tease her and call her Mommy Dearest - rent it if you don't know what I'm referring too...hehehe) I busted her chops saying I'll put the soap back where it came from. I hope you are all sitting down for this one, and I quote: "I'm going to bring you new soap because you are not to use the Dove anymore."
Now if I can imagine what all your faces are right now, pretty sure it's exactly what mine was when I heard that too. I try to gather my head around this absurd comment and ask why - something about it not being paraben free. Um okay - I just let her have her comment.
After we get through dinner I just looked at hubs and said I was going to bed - it was a long night!
My parents made the trek back up to my house (my mother forgot her clothes) and we spent the late morning/early afternoon together.....with my paraben free soap! HA HA
I'm in no way going to tell her how delish it smells but I've been using it everyday ;) When I spoke to my middle sister I asked if she was this....let's use the word overbearing.....when she was preggers with her first and she said not this bad and she will talk to her.
Hubs and I went to dinner Saturday night for our Vday date and when we got home he was going through the children's cookbook my mother had brought up that was from the 50's.
As he was flipping through the book he calls for me to come into the den:
"So your mom does not want you to use Dove soap but wants us to cook for our kid using these recipes that call for MSG in almost all of them?"
I nearly peed my pants from laughing so hard.....YES, I have ammo to fire back at that stupid parabens comment! When I got a chance to speak to her the next day all she could do was laugh and said it's just a collectible cookbook!

Delivery dilemma

We had our monthly OB appointment this morning - the way in....man oh man you can tell that I'm not used to traffic anymore (helps when I get to work at 6:30 am and leave by 3:30 pm) but holy hell was traffic horrendous and for no reason what so ever. Gotta love 9:00 am traffic jams!
Met the hubs at the hospital and wait to get called in. I was so scared for this appointment because of a nightmare I had last night - when I woke up in this nightmare I was bleeding and it wouldn't stop. This was the first real bad dream I've had and I can tell you it was enough.
Doctor started going over things from my blood work - need to get a booster shot after delivery because my antibodies from the vaccine I received as a kid were not measurable...but nothing to worry about. Discussed the Maternit21 test results and how they all came back with no concerns. Told me to schedule my next u/s appointment, which was already done. We then began the discussion on how to deliver this little girl again. She is still on the fence and so is her team - some say they would section me others say they wouldn't. There are a few more doctors that she is going to reach out to and then I will speak to the doctor when I go get my u/s (they are keeping me in the genetic office for these). I just told her all I cared about was the safest way.
Because my situation is so uncommon and unheard of they are having a hard time figuring this all out. There are no cases to study, no research to look up, nothing. If I do a naturally delivery there is a chance for the hole in my uterus to reopen - if they do a c-section they are unsure what they will find inside and could cause damage which could lead to another ileostomy (worst case for both options). She keeps saying a 1% chance, a 1% chance...well Doc, let's look at my history and the 1% chance of things happening that actually did happen. It's just a very delicate situation that needs to be thought through tremendously. One thing that she did correct me on when I said the safest way, was that it needs to be the safest way for both of us (I just said for the baby) I'm not thinking about me, all I care is for her to be safe. I have struggled too long and too hard and battled so many obstacles to not have that be my number one concern.
My safety, yes....but hers is first!
Conversation ended and she was eager to get to the heartbeat.....I did tell her I cheated and found it already. Within seconds of putting the doppler on my belly there my little girl was - nice, strong heartbeat! Atta girl!

Testing, Snow storm, going public

Hubs and I went through with the Maternit21 testing and went back this past Wednesday for the u/s part of it - apparently it was a little too early for me when I was there for the blood work....you would think they would have told me when they booked the appointment since they knew how far along I was, or when I was there but no, take more time off work and head back.
Thankfully she's all okay - wasn't cooperating very well for the tech: was laying on her stomach and not moving around. After the tech left I started shaking around and poking my belly to get her to wake up....when the doctor came in to speak to us she assured us that everything looked great and wanted to get a better picture for us. She was bouncing all over the place and saw her put her hand in her mouth, which was so crazy to see.

This was the best shot they could get for us. But there she is......little Amelia!

The past weekend was spent trapped in my house as the hubs banned me from going outside or touching a shovel. Think we ended up with close to 2 feet of snow. I know it's New England and we are supposed to get snow, but when we've been spoiled for the past few years with nothing really bad, you get used to it! Now I'm ready for it all to go away.
Another big step for us this weekend was going public. I was so scared and felt like I was going to throw up before making it 'facebook' official. Now that we did it feels good to not to have to hide the little belly bulge I'm sporting and to see the love/support from everyone is so wonderful. I also told the ladies in my office and a few others that have been wondering if I'm okay due to the coming and going a lot lately.....they were all thrilled and said they figured that is what was going on - mind you I found out later that one was talking sh** about how I was never in the office....really? I don't work for you so mind your business and lock it up!

26 weeks and 6 days left to go!

Totally slacking

I was doing so well at keeping this blog up to date and then bam total slacker lately! Life has been moving right along nicely, with my morning hugging the toilet, but hey this girl cannot complain - worked too hard to not feel this way right?
We had our Maternit21 testing this past Friday and I almost walked out of the office. They had us sit with a genetic counselor first for whatever reason. She wasn't the same one we met with when they dropped the bomb on us about me being a carrier...and boy do I wish it was. After she introduced herself and said she's been trying to find the letter/file on us, jumped right to 'why are you here? why are you doing this test?'
I was taken back at first and said it was recommended by both doctor's so we are going with their suggestion. Started to go on and on about how this one only tests for this and the amniocentesis tests for this and then explained the difference between two of the tests with the needle (which hubs knew I wanted NO part of). I just felt that we were wasting her time and were bothering her. Hubs got to the point where he couldn't take her rudeness anymore and snapped back - told her that with the PGD testing we had a very high chance of her being okay. They doctor's wanted us to make sure everything was covered so that is why we are here. I love that man!
She seemed to have gotten the picture - I think she would have gotten it more if she was more prepared with all of our paperwork/history before bringing us in, but hey that's just my thought.
Our appointment sheet said blood work and ultra sound - well I wasn't down for an ultra sound and was furious (mainly because I just wanted to see her again). They took my blood and sent me on my way. Rush home to try to squeeze in a quick nap before the Bruins game we were going to that night but didn't have much luck.
Had a lot of fun at the game but not sure how many more I'll make this year (not that it's a long season). Being at the game and not being able to enjoy a cold beer just wasn't the same...hahahah makes me sound like a lush, but you know what I mean. Was a late night and up early the next morning for one of my nephew's hockey games.
Spent the afternoon shopping with my mom and ended up buying stuff for Amelia - I always feel like I'm jinxing it by doing stuff like that. Couldn't resit though - got her the cutest little bathing suit....yes, she will be a beach bum just like her mother! Once we got back to my house my parents left and I started to watch the movie Heathers (loved that movie). Remember the first 15 minutes and then when I woke up it was the ending....really! Wasn't feeling so hot so I took it easy and then got ready for dinner with the hubs family.
Sunday marked 11 weeks. I still can't believe I'm saying it - took my first belly shot for the Mafia IVFers and rested the rest of the day.
Hubs ordered a Doppler for home so I'm super excited to try that bad boy out, but know I have to keep in mind I might not be able to find it. We don't go back until the 13th - which seems forever and a day away.

Still growing strong

We had our first OB appointment yesterday. They brought me back for blood work, urine, blood pressure and weight (which I think their scale is WAY off....just sayin' - HA). Grab the hubs and start heading to the room - when I was then informed they were going to do a pap....awesome! I do as I'm told and get undressed from the waist down and look at the hubs who is just staring at the counter.....
Hubs: 'what is all that stuff for?'
Me: 'oh, you'll see!' hahah
Our doctor comes in and she is so thrilled that we are finally preggers and so begins the conversation. We went over everything from diet, exercise all the way to delivery methods. Due to my previous surgery (thank you again Dr. F*** Face) there are complications with both normal delivery and c-section. As we went over what those would be I just stopped her and said all I cared about was what was the safest way. If I get another scar, big deal.....seriously 3 on my stomach now, what is one more right? Then she tells me we aren't doing a pap so she wasn't sure why I was told we were.....awesome, sitting there butt naked for no reason! HA
She tried to see if she could hear the heartbeat (told me the chances were low because it was too early) so I asked for an u/s! I had to make sure everything was okay. I had to know Amelia was still with us - yes we have her name picked out :)
We were able to get in for an u/s right after lunch and I was over the moon thrilled. She laid me down and asked to just pull my pants down a tiny bit - as I was ready to rip them off again....laughed at myself for being so used to dropping my drawers every time I walk into a doctor's office!
And there she was - nice strong heartbeat and measuring a couple days ahead from the last time. The tech zoomed in and we were able to see her wiggle. It was one of the most amazing things to see, I couldn't help but tear up. We've been through hell and back and to be able to see that, was amazing. Even though she still has a tail, she's starting to look a little bit more like a human.
The hubs was so cute with his big smile on his face and saying how cool it was to see her move like that so early on - kept asking me later that night if I could feel her kick :) love that man so much!
Our next venture is Monday when I go in for the Maternit21 testing - we chose to do this basically so all parties are prepared if God has something planned for us. That and I felt way more comfortable knowing it was strictly blood work.
Now just going to relax and enjoy every day - even if it starts off face first in the toilet :)

Family is in the loop

The cat is finally out of the bag with both of our families! We drove down to my parents house Sunday for my dad's birthday and made him open his gift before taking them out to lunch:

I recorded his reaction and it was priceless - he got all teary eyed and then turned it to show my mother who just screamed and covered her face. I had to stop recording then because the tears started to flow but wish I kept going. I asked her if she read the bottom frame and I'm surprised the neighbors didn't come over from how loud she got! My youngest nephew (who is 4) was staying with them while my sister was at the hockey tournament with the rest of her family came into the room and asked what was going on. We told him he was going to have a baby girl cousin and he responded, "but I want a baby brother"....yeah good luck with that one kid! After my mother's heart started beating at a normal pace again she leaped up and went into one of the back rooms and came out with a box. It was a box my grandmother had started when my middle sister was first pregnant (12 years ago). I opened it up and it was a box of girl clothes.....she finally got her great granddaughter that she can now protect from above with the rest of my family upstairs!

Had lunch and then waited for my other sister/her kids and brother/wife to arrive. My mother had positioned the frame on one of the end tables but couldn't wait for them to find it on their own....so impatient she was :)
My sister was sitting next to me on the couch with her head on my shoulder and my mom asked if she wanted to see what we got dad for his birthday and just pointed. She immediately covered her face and started to cry - I just busted out laughing. Then cried some more when she got up to read what the bottom frame said. My brother had a huge smile on his face and said he knew and my sister in law's face was priceless - she looked at us like it was a joke and then realized it wasn't and ran over to give me a big hug and cried......lots of tears of joy :) Going to be a very busy summer with babies: my godparents daughter is due at the end of June - my sister in law is due at the end of July - and I'm due towards the end of August.

Still in shock!

And there we have it folks......our one little bean measuring 7wks 2 days! Leading up to this moment I felt I could burst into tears from fear. Fear that there would be nothing there. Fear that there would be no heartbeat. Fear the heartbeat would be weak and we would have to prepare ourselves for another miscarriage. 

They call me in to change into the gowns but told me to keep my shoes on....perfect day to be wearing my UGGS - hubs just busted out laughing when he saw me. We were brought in to the room and she had me lay down so she could do an external u/s first....and then, all of those fears vanished when she said, 'I can see a flicker'. All I could do from crying was squeeze hubs hand. Wipes my belly off and asked me to go empty my bladder - mind you I had JUST gone before going into the waiting room. Get back and the bed is now ready for the internal, hello stirrups.

Then came Wanda the Wand - oh how I have not missed you! The u/s tech was doing her thing, checking the ovaries and surrounding areas. I couldn't stop thinking get on with it! I want to see the heartbeat.

There it was. That fast little flicker that I have longed to see. Heart beat of 153! She said that was perfect - right in the middle of where it should be for this time. Everything looked great and she congratulated us. Had to wait a few minutes for radiology to say all was good before we were allowed to leave to head upstairs to meet with the doc.
I didn't realize it but that was our last meeting. I told her I wasn't ready to 'go upstairs where the "normal" women go" and she just laughed. Told me I could call her with anything if I ever needed her. I thanked her for helping our wish come true and never giving up Hope.
After our appointment we went out for lunch and hubs couldn't wait any longer and sent the u/s picture to his sister. She was so excited and said she knew since we bagged out on the New Years party. I then sent it to one of my sister's who is out of town at a hockey tournament for her boys - she was balling and was so excited. I told her I was sorry for lying to her for so long and she said she would only forgive me if we name her Erin. Mind you we still hadn't received the call it was a girl yet. Once we did, I sent her a text asking if she was sure I had to name HER Erin.....nothing, no response. Headed over to his parents house and they were surprised to see me, kept asking if I was off today. After the barrage of questions I told his mother that she needed to look at that paper that was on top of the pie dish (had to bring back from Christmas). Within seconds of her opening up the u/s pictures, she burst into tears and hugged me. Wouldn't let me go! It was so sweet.
My sister finally called me later last night and was so excited and just kept asking questions. I finally stopped her to ask if she didn't understand my last text message and she said no. When I told her it was a girl I had to pull the phone away from my ear because she was screaming/crying.....mind you with other hockey mom's in the room! I just think she is more excited that she can finally go to the other side of Gap Kids/Baby Gap :)
Sunday will be the big day we tell my family. It's my father's birthday today so I am going to go down to take him to lunch and then my other sister and brother will be coming over for cake.....his gift will be a frame with the embryo - the u/s - and then 'Coming in August'. I'm going to try to find pink stuff to put around it - his first granddaughter. Sunday cannot come fast enough!!!!!!!!!!!