We were lucky enough that our families were able to rearrange their lives to help us out once Hubs went back to work. I was unable to do anything for myself due to crutches/knee brace. I allowed myself two full blown meltdowns - one at the hospital when they finally allowed me to shower and the second time at home, again in the shower. I felt helpless. I am the mother. I am supposed to be the one that takes care of the family, and yet I could not do any of that. I had to have help in and out of the shower the first few days. I moved myself down to the couch so I didn't have to climb the stairs. I tried to make the best out of the situation but it was very difficult.
My mother was my hero - she took time off and stayed with us. She would come up on the weekends to stay with me while Hubs was at work. I do not know how we would have made it through the first few weeks at home without her or the rest of my family.
It was about 3 weeks or so after being home that I tested walking without the crutches - I should explain that they aren't the 'normal' ones, they were the ones that wrap around your forearm and you hold on to the handles. There were so many days I would get frustrated with not being able to move around with them that I just wanted to throw them across the room.....actually think I did at one point.
I was able to walk a short distance without the use of them so I felt okay moving around the first floor of my house - still needed them for the stairs.
I was going stir crazy - the only times I would leave the house was for doctor appointments and even then it was a struggle. During one of my moms visits we decided to take a trip to Target. This would be my first real trip walking without my crutches but still had the brace. I kept a strong face on each time my mom would ask if I was okay, if I needed to stop and go home. As much as I wanted to break down and cry and tell her that it was so much more difficult to walk than I imagined, I told her I was fine.
I wanted to fall to the floor and scream. My foot was not lifting no matter how hard I would tell it to. I constantly found myself tripping over it. Little did I know my mom was watching me and later found out she told my father it was so hard to watch me try to walk around. But I did it. I had to. I had a new little girl at home that needed me along with her sister.
Now enough about my sob story ;)
Our little peanut was a rock star at BF - the nurses would say how shocked they were about how easy that was for us. I just said something had to go our way and we would just giggle. She did really well sleeping and was up like clockwork every 3 hours. I was mainly BF her since it was going so well but eventually had to start to supplement. Again, had no issues with her adding formula into her diet. It was around 4 weeks or so that she was starting to sleep through the night. I don't mean to brag, but hey, I deserve some breaks after what I've gone through :)
Bug adjusted really well having a new child in the house - she loves to give her hugs and kisses and to steal her binky. I am over the moon in love with my children and love watching them bond each day.
There are days that are super hard I have to admit. Hubs and I decided that since daycare was more than our mortgage that I would stay home with them. I can honestly say I never expected being a stay at home mom to be as hard as it is, rewarding yes, but hard! I am very fortunate that we are able to do this for the time being (although I feel that Bug has lost some of her intelligence since she's been home with me :) ) good thing she will be starting pre-school in the spring! That statement scares me. It just proves that time really does go too fast.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Sunday, November 1, 2015
I'm bact at it!
Well don't I suck at keeping up with this! If I waited any longer it would have been a full year! WOW! SO much has happened since my last post.....nearly a year ago.....loser I am ;) My last pregnancy was similar to my first with early contractions, but this time they came a few weeks sooner than they did with Bug. The OB told me I was to work from home until the end - it was January....I was due in May! I was terrified to tell my boss as we were pretty busy with work, but I had to do what was best. In the beginning it was difficult because I felt I had to be glued to my computer at all times - until I realized when I was working at 2 am, it would be okay if I took a nap during the day. The pregnancy seemed to move along with some visits to the maternity floor due to contractions only to be told to go home - so frustrating!
Mother's Day hubs and I took Bug into Boston to walk around and grab some lunch. As soon as we got home and I was on the couch the contractions picked up. I do as I was instructed and called, just to have the nurse tell me they like to see them stronger....um baby number 2 here, not sure how much time I will have! We are coming in.
We get there and are escorted in to the waiting room to be called in. I remember this other pregger in there and she looked MISERABLE....her husband kept rubbing her back, she kept taking such deep breathes and trying to walk off her contractions. Then there was us, hubs on his phone and me trying to breathe through the contractions (which were not all that terrible to me at least). They finally get us in the room and hooked up - just about an hour goes by and they tell me that my contractions are good but since I'm not dilating any more - I could either walk around for an hour, go home and see if there are any changes or stay on the monitor a little longer. Normally I would have said, we can just go home but I opted to stay on the machines. I laid there watching the numbers and the lines. I watched the heartbeat. Then I watched it drop to 50 bpm. My eyes stayed glued - my head was telling me that she was just away from that area and it couldn't pick up the heartbeat as well (LIES all LIES). I didn't want to freak out, I didn't want to cry. It came up to 75 bpm before I had 5 nurses come in to the room, flick on all the lights and tell me we are not going home. One stands next to the monitor (which now the heartbeat was back to where it should be), my nurse starts getting me ready for IV, 2 were by the door and 1 was outside the door looking for wheelchair. What the hell is happening? Once my nurse tells everyone that we are okay and to get us a room, they all clear and that is when I broke down. I was terrified something was wrong. She tells me that the baby was either playing with the cord or it was/is wrapped around something and that is why the heartbeat dropped for longer than they like.
We are escorted to our room and sat waiting for our families to arrive. Slowly everyone begins to show up and spends time with us in our room.
I waited a while before I called in for my epidural and didn't have to wait long for them to administer it. Once that was done I found it odd that they had me propped up on one side....didn't really question it (with my medical history I should have known better). I called them back a little bit after to let them know I could still feel the contractions on my right side, their solution, let's prop up the other side. Seemed to have worked.
My night nurses were awesome - we were laughing and having a grand old time. Now it came time to break my water. If any of you have ever had to experience this or will......it looked like he was taking a crocheting needle to do the job!!!! WHAT IN THE WHAT?????? This is when we learn our little peanut pooped inside! Awesome. Why wouldn't she? Why would anything go smoothly? Now we have the special unit team added to the list that needs to be in the room when I deliver.
Trying to get some zzzz's before I know it's time to push I look over and hubs is out like a light.....so annoying that he can literally sleep anywhere! Me, I'll just keep watching Lip Sync Battle. My nurse comes in to see how I'm doing and I tell her I'm starting to feel pressure more and we both debate if she should check me or if she should start paperwork....she decides why not just check me. The face went from la de da to holy sh*& you are going to have a baby in the next 10 minutes. Thankfully it was a quiet night so she had help getting the special unit team up, waking the doctor up (yes, he had JUST gone to take a nap) and to get the room ready.
This next part was fantastic but only because this was 2nd baby - 3 pushes! 3 and she was out. The OB had to tell me not to push anymore - mainly because she was coming out with her arm across her face. And just like that she's here. They quickly took her over to clear out her mouth/lungs and monitor her. I just kept looking over to make sure she was okay. I wanted to make sure she was okay. I wasn't even paying attention to the OB as he was talking to me and telling me the baby is going to be okay. I then hear we are going to give her oxygen. My heart stopped. I knew I was not going to be able to hold her and knew they were going to take her right to the NICU. Again not paying attention to the OB and nurse as they are now monitoring me and my bleeding because it was more than they would like to see. In the end, it was only 30 minutes before I was able to hold Olivia Kathleen! She was beautiful.
Now it wouldn't be a good story of mine if there wasn't any medical malfunction on my part right??? The nurses asked me to stand up and I told them I still couldn't feel my legs. They insisted we try and as soon as I got up both knees buckled and back down to the bed I went. By the time I was settled in the recovery room my left leg had come back but my right leg was still 'dead'. Time passes and from the calf down, nothing, nada, zero feeling. What is going on????? Why is the feeling not coming back? There were many theories: epidural fluid in a nerve pocket, strained sciatic nerve....in the end, no real answer. I spent my time after giving birth being wheeled into the bathroom, having to call them if I wanted to pick up my baby (if I was alone in the room) and leaving the hospital with crutches and a knee mobilizer brace.
I won't go into the details of the in home PT and finally getting a second opinion only to find out I should have been doing strength training PT and not what they had me doing - that I am finally able to do single calf raises, not many but it's a huge leap forward from not being able to lift my foot up to walk.
I will tell you that I am blessed to have a new baby girl added to our family.
I will try to catch up on the last 5.5 months soon.
Mother's Day hubs and I took Bug into Boston to walk around and grab some lunch. As soon as we got home and I was on the couch the contractions picked up. I do as I was instructed and called, just to have the nurse tell me they like to see them stronger....um baby number 2 here, not sure how much time I will have! We are coming in.
We get there and are escorted in to the waiting room to be called in. I remember this other pregger in there and she looked MISERABLE....her husband kept rubbing her back, she kept taking such deep breathes and trying to walk off her contractions. Then there was us, hubs on his phone and me trying to breathe through the contractions (which were not all that terrible to me at least). They finally get us in the room and hooked up - just about an hour goes by and they tell me that my contractions are good but since I'm not dilating any more - I could either walk around for an hour, go home and see if there are any changes or stay on the monitor a little longer. Normally I would have said, we can just go home but I opted to stay on the machines. I laid there watching the numbers and the lines. I watched the heartbeat. Then I watched it drop to 50 bpm. My eyes stayed glued - my head was telling me that she was just away from that area and it couldn't pick up the heartbeat as well (LIES all LIES). I didn't want to freak out, I didn't want to cry. It came up to 75 bpm before I had 5 nurses come in to the room, flick on all the lights and tell me we are not going home. One stands next to the monitor (which now the heartbeat was back to where it should be), my nurse starts getting me ready for IV, 2 were by the door and 1 was outside the door looking for wheelchair. What the hell is happening? Once my nurse tells everyone that we are okay and to get us a room, they all clear and that is when I broke down. I was terrified something was wrong. She tells me that the baby was either playing with the cord or it was/is wrapped around something and that is why the heartbeat dropped for longer than they like.
We are escorted to our room and sat waiting for our families to arrive. Slowly everyone begins to show up and spends time with us in our room.
I waited a while before I called in for my epidural and didn't have to wait long for them to administer it. Once that was done I found it odd that they had me propped up on one side....didn't really question it (with my medical history I should have known better). I called them back a little bit after to let them know I could still feel the contractions on my right side, their solution, let's prop up the other side. Seemed to have worked.
My night nurses were awesome - we were laughing and having a grand old time. Now it came time to break my water. If any of you have ever had to experience this or will......it looked like he was taking a crocheting needle to do the job!!!! WHAT IN THE WHAT?????? This is when we learn our little peanut pooped inside! Awesome. Why wouldn't she? Why would anything go smoothly? Now we have the special unit team added to the list that needs to be in the room when I deliver.
Trying to get some zzzz's before I know it's time to push I look over and hubs is out like a light.....so annoying that he can literally sleep anywhere! Me, I'll just keep watching Lip Sync Battle. My nurse comes in to see how I'm doing and I tell her I'm starting to feel pressure more and we both debate if she should check me or if she should start paperwork....she decides why not just check me. The face went from la de da to holy sh*& you are going to have a baby in the next 10 minutes. Thankfully it was a quiet night so she had help getting the special unit team up, waking the doctor up (yes, he had JUST gone to take a nap) and to get the room ready.
This next part was fantastic but only because this was 2nd baby - 3 pushes! 3 and she was out. The OB had to tell me not to push anymore - mainly because she was coming out with her arm across her face. And just like that she's here. They quickly took her over to clear out her mouth/lungs and monitor her. I just kept looking over to make sure she was okay. I wanted to make sure she was okay. I wasn't even paying attention to the OB as he was talking to me and telling me the baby is going to be okay. I then hear we are going to give her oxygen. My heart stopped. I knew I was not going to be able to hold her and knew they were going to take her right to the NICU. Again not paying attention to the OB and nurse as they are now monitoring me and my bleeding because it was more than they would like to see. In the end, it was only 30 minutes before I was able to hold Olivia Kathleen! She was beautiful.
Now it wouldn't be a good story of mine if there wasn't any medical malfunction on my part right??? The nurses asked me to stand up and I told them I still couldn't feel my legs. They insisted we try and as soon as I got up both knees buckled and back down to the bed I went. By the time I was settled in the recovery room my left leg had come back but my right leg was still 'dead'. Time passes and from the calf down, nothing, nada, zero feeling. What is going on????? Why is the feeling not coming back? There were many theories: epidural fluid in a nerve pocket, strained sciatic nerve....in the end, no real answer. I spent my time after giving birth being wheeled into the bathroom, having to call them if I wanted to pick up my baby (if I was alone in the room) and leaving the hospital with crutches and a knee mobilizer brace.
I won't go into the details of the in home PT and finally getting a second opinion only to find out I should have been doing strength training PT and not what they had me doing - that I am finally able to do single calf raises, not many but it's a huge leap forward from not being able to lift my foot up to walk.
I will tell you that I am blessed to have a new baby girl added to our family.
I will try to catch up on the last 5.5 months soon.
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