Am I ready?

Sure this question has popped into my head from time to time over the past 32 weeks, but it REALLY hit me when hubs and I were in our birthing class this weekend. Let's first start off that I thought the class started at 9.....yeah no, it started at 8 so we were about 40 minutes late. Oops! Hubs teased me and told me the baby is sucking my brain because I'm never wrong about times and being places. Good news is we didn't miss too much. Sitting through the class we learned a lot and both were very happy we decided to attend. After lunch it was time to tour the maternity floor. Now granted, I've already been to this floor for all 5 of my nephews births and have been in all the rooms so I thought it would be a breeze. That was until we were all standing in the L&D room. As she is explaining the steps of labor and how they get the bed ready for delivery I begin to panic. Am I ready for this? Can I do this? I just take deep breathes to calm myself down and say so many women have done this, you can too....Christ look what you've already been through in the past 3+ years! There was one husband in the group that actually asked if there was a place for the Husbands to go when the wife is in the L&D room. The midwife looked at him and then around the room and said, yup, right here. Told him they have cots that go in the rooms for the husbands to sleep on. I honestly would have been so embarrassed if hubs asked that questions! Do you really think you're gonna leave you're wife to go get some sleep elsewhere????
After the class we went to this one pub that has the BEST wings and started talking about the class. Hubs was funny in telling me things he never knew and that he's glad she told us not to panic and drive like a mad man when labor starts (we were told average labor for first child is 20 hours....awesome!). I told him that I started to panic when we were in the L&D room and said I wasn't sure I was ready or could do this. He looked me in the eyes and told me that I could. He knows how strong of a woman I am and that we've overcome so much worse in our marriage that this will be a breeze. Breeze....yeah probably not so much a breeze, but I got his point :)
When we got home all I wanted to do was take a little nap, knowing we'd be out late watching the Bruins game, but the neighbor's had a different plan for me. As we pull into the driveway we notice a band, that's right a band playing in one of their yards. I wanted to cry! Luckily I was able to get a good 45 minutes in before we headed back on the road to go see hubs family.
While we were driving hubs kept telling me about all the stuff he read in the book we got from the class. It made me smile that he seemed so into this now. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he was ignoring the situation of us having a baby, I just think he was scared of what was happening and not knowing what was going on. His mood/mindset has completely changed and it makes me so very happy. He touches my belly more, gives me kisses more (we are not the lovey dovey couple) and just makes me feel good about myself. Lately I've been feeling pretty gross. Perfect example was last night while I was getting ready to clean up after dinner he wanted to make sure I could carry both plates...yup got it. Then he jumped up and said he didn't want me lifting the garbage bag so he came in to help me. Normally he could have cared less and just let me do my thing in the kitchen - he knows how I get when I'm cleaning - so it was nice to see him be this way.
Now, let's see how long this will last ;)
So....am I ready? No, I'm not and I don't think any woman really is. I do know that whatever is thrown at us over the course of the next 8 weeks/delivery, I will be able to handle because I will have the greatest man next to me telling me I can do this.

What do you miss?

This seems to be one of the millions of questions people ask me throughout this pregnancy. What do I miss? There are plenty of things I miss.....certain foods, coffee, diet coke, glass of wine, iced cold beer (since it's summer and all!) but the one thing I really miss.....my shoes! Yes I'm that girl that loves her shoes and not afraid to admit it out loud.

Hello my name is Kelly and.......

Hubs and I just recently spent the night at Mohegan's for his 40th birthday and to give ourselves a night away from everything and everyone. I wanted to look nice so I packed one of my favorite pair of wedges....let's just say I made it down to dinner and right after back to the room to put my flip flops on. Normally I would not mind having to wear flip flops every day, but when there is such a wide variety of fun shoes to wear (hubs loves to remind me of how many there are) you kinda miss wearing them - plus your legs get a nice workout ;) So that, my friends is what I miss the most! HA!

In other news...I have recently started my new schedule at work due to the scare at L&D two weeks back. I work half days in the office and half days at home. Have to admit, LOVE it! I'm in by 6:30 and out by 11:30 - home by noon. It helps with the chores too as I do a little bit here and there during the week so I'm not doing it all over the weekend. 

We have our 30 week u/s tomorrow and can't WAIT to see our little bug! She better cooperate and give us some good shots. Her latest thing is she likes to stick something out to make the top of my stomach buldge out so I am curious to find out how she is positioned. Tomorrow should be a good day!!!

First visit to L&D

I never thought I would have to go there before (a) the scheduled tour or (b) before it was time. Last week was a little rough for me - started to have cramps and got worried so I called the nurses line and she told me to rest and monitor them, if they get worse to call back. I just went home and laid on the couch and rested, seemed to have worked. The next day the same thing but this time my back was involved which freaked me out a little more - left work early and called the nurses line again. No sooner was I through my door were they calling me telling me they want me to go to Labor and Delivery to make sure I was not in pre-term labor. Hung up with them and called the hubs.
I couldn't control the tears no matter how hard I tried to shake them off - they just started to flow. I wasn't ready, it's not her time to come home yet, she still has weeks to bake. As he's trying to calm me down and tell me that things are going to be okay I just paced around my bedroom looking for something to wear...because it's really THAT important when you go to L&D....yoga pants and t-shirt and I'm back in the car.
My family knew where I was headed - after the last time with my surgery I've learned NOT to hide anything medical related. My oldest sister called me and kept me on the phone while I was heading to hospital. As I got off the exit I stopped her mid-sentence and thanked her for keeping my mind occupied with other topics. She told me she loved me very much and to text her as soon as I know what is going on.
Up to the 5th floor I go - checked me right in and brought me to the 'waiting' area for a nurse to come and get me. I would say I was waiting for a good 30 minutes just shaking sitting there before someone finally came down to get me - apologized telling me they were so busy, which is understandable. They had me pee in a cup so they could do an analysis and then hooked me up to heart rate monitor for the baby and contraction monitor. As the nurse was asking questions and typing away I could feel another 'cramp' coming on....when she was all done she looked at the paper coming out of the machine and said, "oh you had one while I was typing. Did you feel that?" Um sure did lady, hence me being here. She was wonderful though - left me and when she came back to check she brought me more water and checked the papers again.
I kept looking at the monitor each time it happened and counted 6 total while I was there - but looking at the other screens (you can see everyone that is hooked up which is neat) some of these women's lines were pretty intense.....ouch!
After being hooked up for almost an hour she told me that I was going to go see the on call doctor as he wanted to make sure everything was okay - that the 'contractions' were not on top of each other so I should be sent home after seeing him....fingers crossed right? I was led down  the secret way the doctor's use to get from L&D to office and check in. Didn't have to wait too long since it was much later in the day. After meeting the doctor and being checked I was given good news - cervix is still closed! PHEW! Told me that I needed to rest the remainder of the week and exercising has been taken off the table.
By Thursday afternoon I was so bored - mind you it was Wednesday when this all happened :) But I did as the doctor ordered and rested. Everything seemed to have calmed down which made me feel much better. Until this morning :( Not sure if it was because I was walking around a lot yesterday or what the story is - so now I'm just keeping track of when they come and PRAY that I do not have to go back to L&D!
The past few days I just keep thinking why can nothing be easy? With everything we've done and been through to get to where we are today, one would think you'd be allowed an easy pregnancy, right? Well that's not the case with me and many other women out there....although there are some lucky ones ;)
The plus side is I spoke to my boss and one of the big bosses yesterday about working half days in the office and half days at home and they are both really cool about that - just need to speak to the owner and make sure he's good with it as well. Hoping to have that conversation today.

How are you feeling?

Pretty sure if I could drink during pregnancy I would absolutely make this into a drinking game! Before 9:00 this morning I have been asked at least a dozen times - I am thankful they care enough to ask, but in the back of my head I wonder, do they really care how I'm feeling?
I also give the same answer - I feel good, because I'm sure they don't want to hear the other answers I have on some days....oh the feel alright, just having a little pressure in my who ha......you know stuff like that. Mind you I work in a male dominated industry so that might make them run for the hills :) hmmm....maybe that's not a bad idea! The best was yesterday when one of the guys looked at me and goes, "Wow, you popped". Politely say, I sure did, almost 7 months along, gonna happen.....in my head I have other choice words! :)
I do hate complaining about not feeling well because of everything we had to do to get to this point and all the amazing women I've met who are still going through all of this. So most days I just keep it inside and put a smile on and carry on about my day. Last night though, hubs knew how uncomfortable I was as soon as he got home. It was hotter than Haiti upstairs in our bedroom, he quickly went back downstairs to turn on the central ac....and thank goodness it worked! I was laying like a starfish at one point trying to capture all the cool spots on the bed!
Gearing up for back to back baby showers starting this weekend - then it's glucose test time next Friday! I pray that I pass!
On top of all of this - hubs turns 40 in a few weeks so we are having a party for him. No surprise, thank goodness - he wanted to make sure of that and made sure if there was one, payback is not fun! SO my surprise gift to him is taking him to Mohegan Sun for the night.....just pray he isn't too hung over the next day - will make a for a very long car ride :)

Week 17 - Week 25

Thought this was fun to see the progression really starting to show

3 more months

I still cannot believe it! We've been through so much over the last 3 + years that it's finally hitting home that in 3 more months we will be a family of three! I still wake up wondering if this has all been a dream or not. I still check the toilet paper in fear of blood. I still count my blessings every single day that so far we are all still okay.
My goal was to have her nursery done by the time we hit the third trimester - a little over two more weeks to go and it's not looking promising! Her crib was delivered the other week and I LOVE it! Cannot wait to get her mattress from my parents this weekend (early shower gift) so I can put the bedding in and see how it all looks. The changing table keeps getting pushed back for delivery which is making me angry but nothing I can really do about it, right? Hubs will work on the closet tomorrow when he's home and hopefully that will be done by the time I get home. Still need to find a rug and a few more things for the walls....I guess I'm not in that bad of a shape to have it finished.
At our last OB appointment I wanted to speak to her about my back - holy hell does it hurt! I have sciatica and it's no joke! I've dealt with it on my right side since high school off and on - but every day to the point where my leg gives out is pretty scary! She suggested a chiropractor, which I've been to plenty of those appointments, but something about getting snapped while being preggos just doesn't sit well with me. Yes I know they are trained to move you differently while you are pregnant, but still. Doc told me it's only going to get worse - Thank you for that! Bottom line - put your big girl pants on and suck it up!
Weight is not a concern to her as she said I'm all belly - but I refuse to look at the scale when I go now. Our next appointment is the glucose test one! I'm lucky that they gave me the drink already - which I've told Hubs it is NOT orange soda so do not drink - will work from home that day so I can chug a lug and drive right in for the test and pray we pass!
Belly is really starting to pop - even though so many people have told me I'm so tiny for being 6 months along - I DO NOT feel tiny. Every night I lay in bed and just watch her move around - the other night when Hubs got home he walked into the room and when he looked at me he said, 'wow you really look pregnant now' :) I think it's starting to hit him too that very soon he's going to be a dad. He was joking with me the other night that he wasn't sure he really signed up for this.....had to remind him that he was the one that did leave the 'sample' for me numerous of times during all of our treatments, so yes, you surely did sign up for a kid!

Too close to home.....

With all the events that are happening in Boston I just can't wrap my head around any of it. On Marathon Monday, a day that is supposed to be full of support/cheers/happiness, was quickly taken away. I had so many friends that were down there/running that I couldn't focus on anything but to make sure they were all safe. Thankfully they all were. I couldn't stop watching the news - that was until I heard the first death announced was an 8 year old boy. I sat on my couch and started to ball. I thought of the father who lost his son, daughter lost a limb and his wife in extreme critical condition. I put my hand on my belly and said I'm sorry that the world is not the same that it was when I was younger and you are going to have to see all of this maddness growing up.
When the hubs and I were discussing it I said this person took all the hard work and dedication away from all of these people that were not even able to complete the race. They took away their carefree freedom when they are running, and they took away family/friends/loved ones!
I became angry that someone could do this - why? What point are you trying to prove? We are a strong city - we pull together - we will not let you tear us down - we will not let you see weakness - You will be found and you will pay.