Help Wanted

Looking for an extra set of hands - must be available between the hours of 4 pm -10 pm - must be willing to change blow out diapers, change diaper genie (or shit sausage as it is called in our home), put dishes in dishwasher, take out recycles, wash 500 pieces that belong to Dr. Brown Bottles.
Interested applicants please send resume to mommyneedshelp@goingcrazy.com

This help wanted ad could go on and on forever.

I finally broke down and looked at the hubs the other night and said, "I just need help." Within 10 minutes of me saying this I hear dishes being dropped in to the sink. As I place my head in my hands the only thing I can muster up is, 'DISHWASHER'.



This then led into a conversation of who does what in a friendly manner....you can imagine who won. It is not about who does what more, it's just that with his work schedule he is never really home to help out....which leads to an even more found respect for single parents....when he is home I still feel that I'm doing it all.
Yes I am the mother and that is the 'known' role - which I love said role, but once in a while it's nice not to have to lie about having to go to the bathroom just so I can have 5 minutes of alone/quiet time.

Love - Hate Relationship with Dr. Brown

This is how I feel towards these bottles! The crazy contraptions that they are....still not sure how the whole thing works, but it does it's job! We started off using the Avent bottles but since my daughter couldn't seem to get food down her gullet fast enough, she was having issues with them. Then I went and bought a 3 pack of the lovely Dr. Brown's.....heaven! Feeding was not spent listening to her choke because she was gulping too fast or crying because I had to keeping taking the bottle away! Again, Heaven!

The hate part of my relationship with these bottles....well, see for yourself:

I HATE washing these things - with a passion mind you. I was so good in the beginning about washing them right after each feeding....because that is what new mom's do, they stay on top of their shit to prove some kind of point that you are super woman and you can do it all. Now, well you can see they pile up in my sink until she's done eating for the day (this is a combination of her morning bottle, bottles from daycare and her night feedings and possibly one from the night before). I stood at the sink last night and just stared at them. Stared at all the pieces that I was too tired to wash - looked at the dishwasher and then back again. Knew the dishwasher wasn't an option as I needed to have 4 bottles ready to go for daycare the next day.....I have an issue with running the dishwasher with very few things in it.

I'm over them - all of their pieces - the blue tubes that they give you this elf sized brush to clean the inside - just straight up O.V.E.R. them!

Post Baby Bodies

This seems to be making headlines all over lately - this woman posting her AMAZING body 4 days after giving birth. Am I jealous that she looks like I did when I worked out 5 days a week for 2 hours a day and ate clean - you bet your squishy ass I am....but good for her. Who cares if she's posting a selfie (god I hate that term) of how great she looks.
Society has become so nasty when it comes to stuff like this. I wonder how people would react if someone posted a picture of their flabby belly and cellulite legs with the same caption. Everyone would be up in arms saying how gross that is to post a picture like that. Bottom line world, you can't win no matter what you do...so keep doing you and post your selfies (why does this word make my skin crawl?????)

While on the topic of working out - I have made a promise to myself that I will get back in to my routine Thursday - Sunday. These are the only days that my husband is home early enough at night to help with the baby.....guess who hasn't lived up to her promise and sat on the couch eating Doritos last night.....this girl! I won't beat myself up about it, I won't torture myself by depriving my body of what I'm craving. I've been down that road and I'm all set about visiting it again. I don't want to be that girl, especially now with the holidays, drooling over the display case at the bakery....um excuse me miss you are creating a giant saliva puddle, would you mind excusing yourself!

One year

One year ago today I spent my morning pacing the house praying my phone would not ring. One year ago today hubs and I drove into Boston for another round of transfer. One year ago today we sat, waiting, wondering how many eggs tested normal. One year ago today our little girl made it and changed our lives forever.

Every year before my family begins Thanksgiving dinner we go around the table saying what we are thankful for. As my sister and I were raising our wine glasses towards each other's end of the table I shouted I'm thankful for Malbec and being able to enjoy it this year (joking of course) and that prompted me to start it off.

"I am thankful for my family, my new family (looking at my daughter), and for science." 

I am thankful that we had the strength and courage to journey down this road - I am thankful of my second family of IVF Mafia girls - I am thankful for the support of the women on the forum.

It's amazing how fast this past year went when looking back. All the doctor's appointments with the blood suckers/Wanda the wand/etc, all the shots, all the emotional roller coaster rides I had a free ticket for.....worth every single moment and would not think for a second about not going through it again.

First few weeks home

Everyone tells you to accept all the help you can with newborns once you arrive at home. I had already prepped my mother to spend the week with us once hubs went back to work so I thought that would be a ton of help....and it was, don't get me wrong, but her plan was for me to catch up on sleep while she was there. Yeah didn't work out so well. By the time I pumped it was time to eat, by the time she was done eating it was time to pump again - I have now since pushed my pumping hours back from every 3 to now every 4-5.
The first week home with hubs didn't seem too bad. I thought I got this, no problem. The second week was eh a little harder. Week 3......was my breakdown week. I was sobbing on the couch with a screaming infant on my chest when hubs came down to see if we were okay. I couldn't control the tears. He hugged me and told me I'm doing a great job and asked if I wanted him to take over. As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew he had a long day ahead of him so I said no and told him to go back to bed. We had two nights in a row like this - needed to figure something out. I thought I would change her bottles to Dr. Browns and THANK YOU JESUS that has seemed to help.
We are still trying to get our routine/schedule down - she'll have two days in a row where she's awake most of the day so I will get a good 5-6 hours out of her at night and then we have a sleepy day where I know it's going to be a long night (cue last night!)
All the tears and frustrations go away the moment she looks in my eyes and smiles - she gave me a big one this morning and it melted my heart! Love this little girl so much!

Amelia Has Arrived!!!!!!

Wow it's been a while since I've been able to blog and I missed it - okay here's what everyone has missed:
  Hubs and I had an u/s appointment on Thursday August 15th - I was not feeling right at all at work (to the point I was walking off a contraction and didn't say hello to the owner and he basically lectured me on how we say hello here....I'm sorry SIR, but my uterus is in so much pain that I want to cry) I politely smiled and said good morning and continued to walk out of the main office. It came time for me to leave for the doctor's and I said today was going to be my last day in the office, that I would be working from home the next day (my official last day).
Left work and went to pick up Hubs - I started to walk towards my Jeep that had all our bags and such ready but he insisted we take his car so when we get back he can drop me off in the employee lot and no one would see him to bother him (downside of being the boss). I was hesitant but went along with it.
We go to the hospital a little early so we went to the café to grab a salad to tide us over until we were done. Get to our appointment and we are brought right in - we laughed at how we couldn't tell what the heck they were looking at anymore because she was so crammed. The tech said the doctor would be in to review everything. In comes the 12 year old looking doctor and she beings to scan my stomach and said something that neither one of us expected to hear: We are gonna call it a day. I asked what she meant by that and she said we were going to have a baby! The fluid was low and she wasn't comfortable with it - left the room to call the OB office to send me up to get examined. As soon as the door shut I burst into tears - I had such a fear rush over me that I wasn't expecting. Hubs said everything will be okay and we should have expected this based on our last appointment (we were told we might be admitted if my BP was still elevated).
As we head upstairs to the OB's office I can see the nervousness set in with the hubs - it was really kinda cute how he was excited and anxious all at the same time :) We get to the office and I was only 1 cm but 100% effaced so we would only have to have Pitocin. Off to L&D we went to get hooked up to monitor and have blood work done (BP was still elevated) all of that came back normal and bug was doing just fine. The nurse told us we could either wait for a room or come back first thing in the morning. I thought about just going home so we could get all of our stuff but then agreed that what ever was the safest we'll do....she told me that was the right answer. Sent us to the coffee shop to get some food and we called the family. I had to laugh because my  mother asked that we not have this all go down at 4:00 as they will be stuck in horrible traffic (they were coming from CT) well guess what time we called :) HA HA
Inhaled a cheeseburger and fries and we headed back up to be admitted - by the time we got to the room and had Pitocin it was about 5:00 and my parents were there by 5:30 (lucky for them there was zero traffic). The rest of the family came and hubs family came around 8....I held out until 9ish before I was asking for the BEST DRUG EVER INVENTED - epidural! I was getting annoyed with my sisters when they kept asking why I was waiting so long to get it - honestly the contractions were tolerable so I figured why not just wait until I can't deal with it anymore....that and it was nothing compared to the pain I experienced from my surgery 3+ years ago!
Family was kicked out of the room and hubs and I got some sleep....okay well hubs got some sleep. It was about 3:30 am when the doctor decided to check to see how far along I was - 9.5 cm....it was time to get ready to push! I was competing with another woman in the next room to see who could deliver first (yes I'm that competitive.....hey it was her 3rd, my 1st). We had to have the other on call doctor deliver since the other one was in another room - he walked in and looked around and asked, what do you need me to do? I remember picking my head up and looking at him like he was crazy! But he was awesome! The nurse that I had was amazing as well - asked if it was okay if hubs looked down at my lady bits while I was pushing and at that point I didn't care - originally I told him he was NOT to go past my shoulders....but I'm glad he was able to see the birth of our daughter.
I started to push at 3:45 am (with Pulp Fiction on the television - haha) and by 5:06 am Amelia Veriss was laying on my chest! As I had asked my angels upstairs to give me the strength to keep pushing, one of the nurses told me to open my eyes and I saw her coming out. It truly was the best moment of my life.
Here are some pictures from delivery to 2 weeks:

Next post.....first few weeks at home.

Looking back

As our due date is quickly approaching.....1 week and 2 days (but totally not counting) I wanted to look back and read my old posts. It still amazes me what we've been through on this journey and how far we've come. When reading the posts I remember exactly how I felt when I was writing each one - all the fears, the excitement, the tears. Life sure is one giant journey and I'm glad I followed the advice to blog about it.
The support family you find once you enter Infertility Land is something that you would never expect. The love, cheers, sadness you feel for everyone is so amazing - I know I've said this before, but I really am not sure how I would have gotten through all of this without each and every one of them, especially my Mafia IVFers!

This week I have been feeling blah - looking forward to my last day in a week (if not sooner, fingers crossed). I'm just tired of hearing: You are still here? You are still pregnant? You look so tired. Oh your ankles, they look like they hurt so bad. I try very hard to be as polite as I can with my response, but it's usually just a smile and a nod.

Come on people, honestly?????? What the hell is wrong with you to think that making these statements to a 9 month pregnant lady is okay?

The best is when you start to get advice to induce labor - I don't give a rats ass what you did when you were pregnant to make labor come on. You have NO clue what I've done to get pregnant so I'm gonna let mother nature takes it's course with this one and actually have one thing, hopefully, go 'normal'.