How to deal.....

How to deal with your MIL while she is watching your child:
 Here are some possible situations of what you might encounter if your MIL is watching your child for you: (all are true examples)
 
- Told numerous times we need to shovel our front walkway/plow front yard in case they need to get out of the house (three things: one: we have no front walkway, two: if it's that big of an emergency that you cannot get out side door, it's okay to step in snow and three: unless you want to pay to have our yard fixed every year, we will NOT plow our front yard)
    Solution: wait for the rain to wash away the snow
   Solution in my head: build a snowman in the front doorway with a sign that says, 'Must pay toll to pass'

- Told we shouldn't keep her in living room because it's too cold - the play room is better for her to be in.
   Solution: bring all play things into the living room so there is no option BUT to keep her in living room.
   Solution in my head: hang snowflakes from our ceiling to make it a winter wonderland...at 72 degrees.

- Come home to find her in a fleece hooded jacket when you keep your house at 72 degrees because she is cold and then find out she put her winter hat on while they were inside because the sun was coming in through the living room windows.
   Solution: find any and all articles about overheating baby, how to dress baby when you are indoors, how to dress a baby when you take them out, what they should/should not wear in car seats, how you cannot base baby's body temp based on hands/feet because circulatory system is not fully developed.
   Solution in my head: pad lock her closet so she has to put the clothes on that are left out.

 - Told we spend too much money on cold cuts
     Solution: Black out all costs on food
     Solution in my head: create new cost labels and increase the dollar amount to some crazy figure


Now some of you may be thinking....wow what a bitch, and I probably would ponder that thought for a second too. We are very lucky to have her help us out one day a week, but this is my outlet for my thoughts/feelings/etc....so settle down ;)

Good bye 2013 - Hello 2014

Many will say what a great year they've had - Many will say they are so glad 2013 is over. I will say both. This year was filled with heart ache, anger, sadness, confusion and ended with joy, happiness, excitement.

The memories of having our lives revolve around needles, blood withdrawals, Wanda the wand appointments, retrievals, transfers, phone calls telling us we are pregnant to then telling us it was not a viable pregnancy - to hearing congratulations your numbers are increasing perfectly, you are still pregnant, it's a baby girl, hearing keep pushing she's almost here, having this amniotic fluid covered baby put on my chest.

Yes 2013 was one hell of a year and we made it. Looking back I can't help but think about the hurdles that we've leaped over, knocked down, tromped on.....when we were in the trenches it seemed like each minute felt like a century, now looking at it, holy shit did that time fly by!

I do not regret anything we've gone through/done to get to where we are today and look forward to gearing up for another ride on this roller coaster!

To breastfeed or not to breastfeed.....that is the question

Lately this seems to be the topic of conversation....might have something to do with this image

Shortly after we landed in the 'safe zone' of our pregnancy (let's face it, that place really does not exist especially if you are an infertilet) I wondered if I would be breastfeed, would it work for me, would I produce enough for my child....the only thing I kept saying is I will try - good old College Motto...really it is, Norwich University: I Will Try. 

After birth I was shocked at how quickly she latched and I thought...huh, what is all the fuss about this being hard....fast forward probably 24 hours to a screaming newborn, sleep deprived new mom and a nurse man handling my boob to try to get my daughter to eat. It wasn't working. I was failing. I couldn't do this. These were my thoughts - I broke down. The nurses are there to help you, support you, take care of you.....but some made me feel horrible that I couldn't feed my own child. They did everything they could think of before mentioning the word formula. Through blood shot, swollen teary eyes I said my daughter has to eat, if it's formula, then it's formula.

Why is formula so frowned upon? Kids from the 60's,70's, 80's were all pretty much formula fed babies and they all turned out just fine....hell I was a formula fed baby and I'm good! There is so much pressure on women to make sure they breastfeed their babies that it becomes too much. People need to realize it is a choice, some women are not fortunate enough to be able to produce for their babies, they have a difficult time with it. Do I think the women that try give up too soon??? Probably. It's hard. It's frustrating. It's heartbreaking. I ended up solely pumping because my daughter would become 'hangry' but would breastfeed if she needed to be topped off. Once I stopped pumping (for my own reasons) and we ran out of frozen milk, she was on straight up, good old formula. And guess what, she's good.....happy, healthy, fat formula fed faced baby.

To the women that breastfeed - more power to you....and more pennies in your pocket! To the women that don't....no worries, you only get dirty looks from the breastfeeding Nazi's once in a while ;)

*please note that last comment was meant as a joke.....there are some sensitive peeps out there!

Help Wanted

Looking for an extra set of hands - must be available between the hours of 4 pm -10 pm - must be willing to change blow out diapers, change diaper genie (or shit sausage as it is called in our home), put dishes in dishwasher, take out recycles, wash 500 pieces that belong to Dr. Brown Bottles.
Interested applicants please send resume to mommyneedshelp@goingcrazy.com

This help wanted ad could go on and on forever.

I finally broke down and looked at the hubs the other night and said, "I just need help." Within 10 minutes of me saying this I hear dishes being dropped in to the sink. As I place my head in my hands the only thing I can muster up is, 'DISHWASHER'.



This then led into a conversation of who does what in a friendly manner....you can imagine who won. It is not about who does what more, it's just that with his work schedule he is never really home to help out....which leads to an even more found respect for single parents....when he is home I still feel that I'm doing it all.
Yes I am the mother and that is the 'known' role - which I love said role, but once in a while it's nice not to have to lie about having to go to the bathroom just so I can have 5 minutes of alone/quiet time.

Love - Hate Relationship with Dr. Brown

This is how I feel towards these bottles! The crazy contraptions that they are....still not sure how the whole thing works, but it does it's job! We started off using the Avent bottles but since my daughter couldn't seem to get food down her gullet fast enough, she was having issues with them. Then I went and bought a 3 pack of the lovely Dr. Brown's.....heaven! Feeding was not spent listening to her choke because she was gulping too fast or crying because I had to keeping taking the bottle away! Again, Heaven!

The hate part of my relationship with these bottles....well, see for yourself:

I HATE washing these things - with a passion mind you. I was so good in the beginning about washing them right after each feeding....because that is what new mom's do, they stay on top of their shit to prove some kind of point that you are super woman and you can do it all. Now, well you can see they pile up in my sink until she's done eating for the day (this is a combination of her morning bottle, bottles from daycare and her night feedings and possibly one from the night before). I stood at the sink last night and just stared at them. Stared at all the pieces that I was too tired to wash - looked at the dishwasher and then back again. Knew the dishwasher wasn't an option as I needed to have 4 bottles ready to go for daycare the next day.....I have an issue with running the dishwasher with very few things in it.

I'm over them - all of their pieces - the blue tubes that they give you this elf sized brush to clean the inside - just straight up O.V.E.R. them!

Post Baby Bodies

This seems to be making headlines all over lately - this woman posting her AMAZING body 4 days after giving birth. Am I jealous that she looks like I did when I worked out 5 days a week for 2 hours a day and ate clean - you bet your squishy ass I am....but good for her. Who cares if she's posting a selfie (god I hate that term) of how great she looks.
Society has become so nasty when it comes to stuff like this. I wonder how people would react if someone posted a picture of their flabby belly and cellulite legs with the same caption. Everyone would be up in arms saying how gross that is to post a picture like that. Bottom line world, you can't win no matter what you do...so keep doing you and post your selfies (why does this word make my skin crawl?????)

While on the topic of working out - I have made a promise to myself that I will get back in to my routine Thursday - Sunday. These are the only days that my husband is home early enough at night to help with the baby.....guess who hasn't lived up to her promise and sat on the couch eating Doritos last night.....this girl! I won't beat myself up about it, I won't torture myself by depriving my body of what I'm craving. I've been down that road and I'm all set about visiting it again. I don't want to be that girl, especially now with the holidays, drooling over the display case at the bakery....um excuse me miss you are creating a giant saliva puddle, would you mind excusing yourself!

One year

One year ago today I spent my morning pacing the house praying my phone would not ring. One year ago today hubs and I drove into Boston for another round of transfer. One year ago today we sat, waiting, wondering how many eggs tested normal. One year ago today our little girl made it and changed our lives forever.

Every year before my family begins Thanksgiving dinner we go around the table saying what we are thankful for. As my sister and I were raising our wine glasses towards each other's end of the table I shouted I'm thankful for Malbec and being able to enjoy it this year (joking of course) and that prompted me to start it off.

"I am thankful for my family, my new family (looking at my daughter), and for science." 

I am thankful that we had the strength and courage to journey down this road - I am thankful of my second family of IVF Mafia girls - I am thankful for the support of the women on the forum.

It's amazing how fast this past year went when looking back. All the doctor's appointments with the blood suckers/Wanda the wand/etc, all the shots, all the emotional roller coaster rides I had a free ticket for.....worth every single moment and would not think for a second about not going through it again.