Looking back

As our due date is quickly approaching.....1 week and 2 days (but totally not counting) I wanted to look back and read my old posts. It still amazes me what we've been through on this journey and how far we've come. When reading the posts I remember exactly how I felt when I was writing each one - all the fears, the excitement, the tears. Life sure is one giant journey and I'm glad I followed the advice to blog about it.
The support family you find once you enter Infertility Land is something that you would never expect. The love, cheers, sadness you feel for everyone is so amazing - I know I've said this before, but I really am not sure how I would have gotten through all of this without each and every one of them, especially my Mafia IVFers!

This week I have been feeling blah - looking forward to my last day in a week (if not sooner, fingers crossed). I'm just tired of hearing: You are still here? You are still pregnant? You look so tired. Oh your ankles, they look like they hurt so bad. I try very hard to be as polite as I can with my response, but it's usually just a smile and a nod.

Come on people, honestly?????? What the hell is wrong with you to think that making these statements to a 9 month pregnant lady is okay?

The best is when you start to get advice to induce labor - I don't give a rats ass what you did when you were pregnant to make labor come on. You have NO clue what I've done to get pregnant so I'm gonna let mother nature takes it's course with this one and actually have one thing, hopefully, go 'normal'.

Not the first granddaughter

Well bug held the prize for a while, but Monday morning at 8:26 am my brother and his wife welcomed a beautiful baby girl to the family! Miss Sydney Rose was 8 lbs 10 oz and 21.5 inches long! She is so precious.

My family all got the call to stand by the phones on Sunday as my SIL was headed to hospital. Since I had been up since 1:30 that morning I told my mom that I was going to try to nap in case I had to drive down later that night.....then the text messages start, phone keeps ringing. I'm sorry but what part of I'm going to try to nap did you all not understand! But she was sent home, poor thing!

Monday morning I was up at 12:30 with some serious BH and was able to get back to sleep around 1:30 only to be woken up at 2:00 with the call to get to the hospital. I just laid there wanting to cry because I was so overly tired and the thought of driving to Worcester at that time just didn't sit well with me. I woke up hubs and told him I had to leave. He wanted no part of me being in a car, at that time of night, on minimal sleep, being 9 months preggo. Thankfully my sister met me off the highway on her way down and we followed each other and talked on the phones the whole way to keep each other awake. Made it to the hospital just before 4:00 and they were giving her fluids before she could get epidural - this made me happy since she felt so strongly about going o'natural! ;) Love how she was trying but lasted a hot minute before she was asking for the drugs!

My brother sent a text saying they were prepping the room for her to start to push right before 8:00 - this is when we all started to bet to see how long it would be. By 9:30 we got another text asking how the anticipation was in the waiting room....ugh you little shit bag! By 9:50 he was standing in the doorway announcing the birth of his baby girl! Mom only pushed for about 30 minutes! How sweet is that!

Sydney checking out her new 'favorite' aunt (kept telling her that so she'll have to believe it)

Amelia and Sydney meeting each other

What made me giggle was every time I held her my bug kept kicking - so either she was saying hello or she was saying get away from my mommy! 

Being there made me so excited to get to meet our little girl. I can't believe it's right around the corner!

Laboring cream cheese????

WTF? I thought I heard it all until yesterday. My SIL is now officially past her due date and is showing no signs of this baby coming any time soon. My mother was keeping the family updated and then sent out one of her confusing emails that takes 5 people to try to translate about going to Worcester to get the baby cream cheese. WHAT????????? There is a place in Worcester MA that sells cream cheese that is supposed to cause labor.
STILL don't believe me....here's the link: http://ericslapatisserie.com/radio.html

Not sure if they went and got it for her but I can honestly say I think I have heard it all now! Cream cheese...really????????

Tomorrow is our 36 week appointment and bugs last photo shoot. Dreading stepping on the scale and seeing how much more weight I've gained the past 2 weeks! I know, I know, I'm pregnant and supposed to be putting on weight but it's hard for me. I've never been 'heavy'...well minus college when I was chunka face from the mass amounts of beer I consumed ;) but honestly I have never gone over 140/145 (I'm 5'9"). I struggled with an eating disorder back when I was 19 - had to make sure that I had no time to eat, which was easy since it was the summer. This was my day, every day: got up, went to work, after work went to work out, went tanning (yes in the summer), went to high school track to do sprints, got home, showered, went out for the night. Thankfully it didn't last long and I smartened up! Jump ahead 5 or so years I start to date my ex - who was 6'2" 220 lbs of solid muscle. At that time he owned a health food store so of course he's going to be in perfect shape. I begin to work out with him and get back into my old habits....then stop. I know it's not a pretty road so I alter my eating habits and just eat clean. I had gotten down to about 115 lbs during the time we were together (4 years) granted I thought I looked great because I was lean and had defined muscles that I never knew existed. Looking back after we broke up I knew I was too skinny and it wasn't healthy! Oh and I forgot to mention Mr. Health Nut who wouldn't allow milk in the house because it had fat in it was on the juice! Yeah that's good for business!

That brings me to today and me having distorted body image issues. For example: Kate....how on EARTH was she carrying an 8lb baby looking the way she did...amazing! Then seeing her the day after she just gave birth...come on! Part of me thought for a second there is no way she was really pregnant/gave birth - no one ever looks that good! See...I have issues! HA HA

I am not starving myself or my child....TRUST me, no worries there. Just having a very difficult time with the way I look.....in the end is it worth it, absolutely....will I be back to working out as soon as the doc gives me the okay, you can bet your ass I will be ;)

Well that stung a little.....

No, I'm not referring to a bee sting. I'm referring to finding out that one of my best friends is 16 weeks pregnant and has kept it from us for a few reasons: 1 - she wanted to surprise us when she came out at the end of August and 2 - she didn't want to be considered and insenstive asshole and take away from my pregnancy. Now, as much as I appreciate her thinking about my feelings I told her that I was a little mad she hasn't said anything. As happy as I am for her and her husband, it did sting a bit when she told me. I mean her daughter isn't even a year old yet! She kept on telling me she didn't want to tell me because of how hard it was for hubs and I and didn't want to upset me. Listen, I'm not a China Doll - if I haven't broken already with everything that has happened over the past, shit, almost 4 years now, I think I'm good. Will I have days where I ask why, sure will. Will I have days that I ask what did I do, absolutley - but I will not break. I will have my 'moment' and move on.

When hubs called on his way home from work I had to tell him - he was just as shocked as I was. When I told him that it did sting a bit he asked me why and then quickly figured it out and said it does suck that some people can get pregnant easily but we got this, we know what the problem is and we will keep moving forward.

It's hard for me to not be envious/jealous of the fertiles - even if I am pregnant - I have so many people that I have met that struggle daily that I just wish they can get their dreams handed to them.....to start their very own family! 

Spoiled rotten already

This little girl of mine is already spoiled rotten. I had my shower this past Saturday and as I was dreading the days leading up to it, dreading the time before the guests showed up, it turned out to be such an amazing day. I was trapped upstairs as my mom wanted the decorations to be a surprise....not that I don't have windows upstairs that I could peek out of....I only cheated a few times ;)
My family went over and beyond what anyone could have asked for....was hoping my mother would have uploaded her pics so I could share in her details/decorations but she hasn't gotten there yet.
The day weather wise was great - got a little hot once the clouds broke but couldn't have asked for a nicer day. When hubs got home from work he went inside and saw all the stuff in the dining room and then the office - looked at me and goes, 'Holy Shit! Where is all this stuff going?' I started to laugh. Yesterday I was determined to get everything organized and cleaned up a bit. Did pretty well I think and will begin to wash the ridiculous amounts of clothes she has tonight.
Probably one, well yes one of the best gifts....a giant basket FILLED with clothes and a pair of sneakers attached to handle all from my dad. My mom had been telling me that when they go shopping he walks away and comes back with his own bags of stuff for Amelia....it was cute that he did that.
My second favorite gift: was a doll house from my middle sister. When we were growing up my two older sisters got custom wooden doll houses (you know the fancy pants ones that you can paint/has electricity/etc) well I never got one for whatever reason...not that I'm holding a grudge still ;) Her card was what sent me over the edge. Started off my saying that Amelia will be the closest thing to a daughter she will have and wanted to pass down the doll house. She is the one that was always known as the 'strong' sister but in her card she told me that she couldn't have been more proud of my strength and determination through everything the past few years and that I was so much stronger than her.
As everyone was getting ready to leave, I hugged my mom so tight and couldn't thank her enough for everything she did for me that day. She held my face and said no, thank you for jumping in feet first and never giving up hope to let us have this day.

Am I ready?

Sure this question has popped into my head from time to time over the past 32 weeks, but it REALLY hit me when hubs and I were in our birthing class this weekend. Let's first start off that I thought the class started at 9.....yeah no, it started at 8 so we were about 40 minutes late. Oops! Hubs teased me and told me the baby is sucking my brain because I'm never wrong about times and being places. Good news is we didn't miss too much. Sitting through the class we learned a lot and both were very happy we decided to attend. After lunch it was time to tour the maternity floor. Now granted, I've already been to this floor for all 5 of my nephews births and have been in all the rooms so I thought it would be a breeze. That was until we were all standing in the L&D room. As she is explaining the steps of labor and how they get the bed ready for delivery I begin to panic. Am I ready for this? Can I do this? I just take deep breathes to calm myself down and say so many women have done this, you can too....Christ look what you've already been through in the past 3+ years! There was one husband in the group that actually asked if there was a place for the Husbands to go when the wife is in the L&D room. The midwife looked at him and then around the room and said, yup, right here. Told him they have cots that go in the rooms for the husbands to sleep on. I honestly would have been so embarrassed if hubs asked that questions! Do you really think you're gonna leave you're wife to go get some sleep elsewhere????
After the class we went to this one pub that has the BEST wings and started talking about the class. Hubs was funny in telling me things he never knew and that he's glad she told us not to panic and drive like a mad man when labor starts (we were told average labor for first child is 20 hours....awesome!). I told him that I started to panic when we were in the L&D room and said I wasn't sure I was ready or could do this. He looked me in the eyes and told me that I could. He knows how strong of a woman I am and that we've overcome so much worse in our marriage that this will be a breeze. Breeze....yeah probably not so much a breeze, but I got his point :)
When we got home all I wanted to do was take a little nap, knowing we'd be out late watching the Bruins game, but the neighbor's had a different plan for me. As we pull into the driveway we notice a band, that's right a band playing in one of their yards. I wanted to cry! Luckily I was able to get a good 45 minutes in before we headed back on the road to go see hubs family.
While we were driving hubs kept telling me about all the stuff he read in the book we got from the class. It made me smile that he seemed so into this now. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he was ignoring the situation of us having a baby, I just think he was scared of what was happening and not knowing what was going on. His mood/mindset has completely changed and it makes me so very happy. He touches my belly more, gives me kisses more (we are not the lovey dovey couple) and just makes me feel good about myself. Lately I've been feeling pretty gross. Perfect example was last night while I was getting ready to clean up after dinner he wanted to make sure I could carry both plates...yup got it. Then he jumped up and said he didn't want me lifting the garbage bag so he came in to help me. Normally he could have cared less and just let me do my thing in the kitchen - he knows how I get when I'm cleaning - so it was nice to see him be this way.
Now, let's see how long this will last ;)
So....am I ready? No, I'm not and I don't think any woman really is. I do know that whatever is thrown at us over the course of the next 8 weeks/delivery, I will be able to handle because I will have the greatest man next to me telling me I can do this.

What do you miss?

This seems to be one of the millions of questions people ask me throughout this pregnancy. What do I miss? There are plenty of things I miss.....certain foods, coffee, diet coke, glass of wine, iced cold beer (since it's summer and all!) but the one thing I really miss.....my shoes! Yes I'm that girl that loves her shoes and not afraid to admit it out loud.

Hello my name is Kelly and.......

Hubs and I just recently spent the night at Mohegan's for his 40th birthday and to give ourselves a night away from everything and everyone. I wanted to look nice so I packed one of my favorite pair of wedges....let's just say I made it down to dinner and right after back to the room to put my flip flops on. Normally I would not mind having to wear flip flops every day, but when there is such a wide variety of fun shoes to wear (hubs loves to remind me of how many there are) you kinda miss wearing them - plus your legs get a nice workout ;) So that, my friends is what I miss the most! HA!

In other news...I have recently started my new schedule at work due to the scare at L&D two weeks back. I work half days in the office and half days at home. Have to admit, LOVE it! I'm in by 6:30 and out by 11:30 - home by noon. It helps with the chores too as I do a little bit here and there during the week so I'm not doing it all over the weekend. 

We have our 30 week u/s tomorrow and can't WAIT to see our little bug! She better cooperate and give us some good shots. Her latest thing is she likes to stick something out to make the top of my stomach buldge out so I am curious to find out how she is positioned. Tomorrow should be a good day!!!